Coping with Pet Loss: "Am I Crazy to Feel So Sad about This?" (continued)

by Marty Tousley

Nevertheless, when you lose a cherished pet you may find yourself feeling embarrassed or uneasy about publicly expressing your grief. Since there isn't much cultural support offered to grieving animal lovers in our society, you may end up feeling very isolated and alone. Statements such as "It was just an animal" illustrate how others fail to recognize this kind of loss as significant. Your relationship with the animal may be trivialized by those "well meaning" folks who say, "You can always get another." You may be left with the feeling that you don't have a legitimate right to grieve. Not all those in your circle may be as understanding, as available or as capable of helping as you need them to be. You may find that friends and relatives are finished with your grief long before you are done with the work of it or the need to talk about it. 

Is there anything you can do to help yourself through the grief that accompanies the loss of a beloved companion animal? 

Yes! First, arm yourself (and those who care about you) with some knowledge and understanding about the normal grief process. Learn what reactions you can expect in grief, and find out what can be done to manage them. 

It is also important to find an understanding, nonjudgmental listener with whom you can openly acknowledge your feelings and experiences, express and work through your pain, and come to terms with your loss. That can be a fellow animal lover who respects the relationship you had with your pet, a spouse, family member, friend, neighbor, colleague at work, clergy person, pet loss counselor or telephone help-line volunteer. 

Finding a Safe Place to Express and Work through Your Feelings of Grief 

Offline Resources 
Visit your public library, local bookstore or pet supply center and ask for information and literature on pet loss and bereavement. You might ask your pet crematory or cemetery representative, your local animal shelter, veterinarian or pet grooming specialist if they know of any pet loss services in your community -- or even if they know of any recently bereaved clients who may be willing to talk with you. Look for pet loss services (such as pet loss support groups) advertised in your Yellow Pages or local newspaper, or posted on bulletin boards in your grocery store, library, church or school. Contact a pet loss telephone support help-line (such as that offered by the Companion Animal Association of Arizona, at 602-995-5885). 

Online Resources 
Using the keywords "pet loss" you can search the Internet for some wonderful pet loss sites, many of which offer chat rooms and message boards, in addition to information and referral to other helpful resources. I invite you to visit my own Web site at www.griefhealing.com. 
Gain knowledge by taking an email course on Pet Loss or present such a course to that friend or relative who just doesn't seem to understand what you are experiencing. 
Few of us are prepared to face the excruciating pain associated with the death of a beloved pet. Most of us think we cannot bear it, that to feel such sorrow is abnormal, as if we're going mad. We think there's something wrong with us, or something unnatural about our feelings. 

Yet pain over the loss of an animal friend is as natural as the pain we would feel over the loss of any significant relationship. Our pets offer us a kind of loyalty, devotion and unconditional love that cannot be found in the more complicated relationships we have with relatives, friends and neighbors. Arming ourselves with some knowledge and understanding of what is normal under such circumstances and finding a safe place to express and work through our feelings of grief can help us cope with -- and even grow from -- the agony of pet loss. 

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A frequent contributor to healthcare journals, newsletters and magazines for the lay public, she has written several articles and book chapters in the professional nursing and medical literature, and has authored three books addressing various aspects of loss and grief. Her award-winning Internet Web site, www.GriefHealing.com offers information, comfort and support to anyone who is anticipating or mourning the loss of a loved one, whether human or animal.

Copyright © 2003, 2004 Marty Tousley. All rights reserved. If you wish to publish this article, please email contact@selfhealingexpressions.com