60th Birthday Humor

by allinspiration.com

Are you looking for some nice 60th birthday humor? Here is a collection of funny 60th birthday quotes, sayings and jokes which will bring some fun and laughter.

“Pleas’d to look forward, pleas’d to look behind, and count each birthday with a grateful mind.”
– Alexander Pope

“Age 60 is when it takes a man all night to do what he used to do all night.”
– Anonymous

“One good thing about being 60 is you argue less. It’s not so much that you’re nicer, you just can’t hear each other.”
– Anonymous

“You know you’re turning 60 when your husband wants a DNA sample to make sure you’re the same woman he married.”
– Anonymous

“A man of sixty has spent twenty years in bed and over three years in eating.”
– Arnold Bennett

“Be kind to your kids, they’ll choose your nursing home one day.”
– Author Unknown

“To me, old age is always fifteen years older than I am.”
– Bernard M Baruch

“Getting old ain’t for sissies.”
– Betty Davis

“What could be more beautiful than a dear old lady growing wise with age? Every age can be enchanting, provided you live within it.”
– Brigitte Bardot

“Men are like wine. Some turn to vinegar, but the best improve with age.”
– C.E.M. Joad

“A diamond cannot be polished without friction, nor a man perfected without trials.”
– Chinese Proverb

“Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what the hell happened.”
– Cora Harvey Armstrong

“Age is not measured by years. Nature does not equally distribute energy. Some people are born old and tired while others are going strong at seventy.”
– Dorothy Thompson

“You have to stay in shape. My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She’s 97 today and we don’t know where the hell she is.”
– Ellen De Generes

“It is lovely, when I forget all birthdays, including my own, to find that somebody remembers me.”
– Ellen Glasgow

“You’ve heard of the three ages of man – youth, middle age, and “you’re looking wonderful”.”
– Francis Cardinal Spellman

“Youth is happy because it has the ability to see beauty. Anyone who keeps the ability to see beauty never grows old.”
– Franz Kafka

“Try to keep your soul young and quivering right up to old age.”
– George Sand

“Oh to be seventy again.”
– Georges Clemenceau

“At 60, “chasing girls” refers almost exclusively to granddaughters.”
– Greg Tamblyn

“At 60, “walking the dog” actually means walking the dog.”
– Greg Tamblyn

“At 60, two of the most important things in life are bowel movements and nose hair.”
– Greg Tamblyn

“At 60, your hair becomes a cosmic joke. It moves from your head to your ears and your nose. And you can’t see it without one of those giant funhouse mirrors.”
– Greg Tamblyn

“By the time you reach 60, lots of body parts are larger than they used to be. Especially your tattoos.”
– Greg Tamblyn

“Turning 60 birthday thrills: more pills, more chills, and more bills.”
– Greg Tamblyn

“Turning 60? Look on the bright side: you’re still younger than Mick Jagger.”
– Greg Tamblyn

“You might think it’s really nifty
Sixty’s now the brand new fifty
And you would not now have the blues
If your gut had heard the news.”
– Greg Tamblyn

“Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.”
– Groucho Marx

“The older the fiddle, the sweeter the tune.”
– Irish Saying

“If I had to live again I would do exactly the same thing. Of course I have regrets, but if you are 60 years old and you have no regrets then you haven’t lived.”
– Irish Singer Christy Moore

“Let us respect gray hairs, especially our own.”
– J. P. Sears

“Age is strictly a case of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.”
– Jack Benny

“At his wife’s 60th birthday party in Jackson Hole, Wyoming, Dick Cheney had a huge steak and battered onion rings for dinner. Afterward he met with 100 donors, not campaign donors, heart donors.”
– Jay Leno

“Our birthdays are feathers in the broad wing of time.”
– Jean Paul Richter

“I still find each day too short for all the thoughts I want to think, all the walks I want to take, all the books I want to read, and all the friends I want to see.”
– John Burroughs

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