60th Birthday Humor

by allinspiration.com

“I am long on ideas, but short on time. I expect to live to be only about a hundred.”
– Thomas Alva Edison

“Age is a high price to pay for maturity.”
– Tom Stoppard

“…an “all nighter” means not having to get up and go to the bathroom!”
– Unknown

“…brain cells come and brain cells go but fat cells live on forever!”
– Unknown

“…you have first hand knowledge that you shouldn’t take a sleeping pill and laxative on the same night!”
– Unknown

“…you have more hair in your ears and nose than on your head!”
– Unknown

“…you start making the same noises as your coffee pot!”
– Unknown

“…you’ve still got it but nobody wants to see it!”
– Unknown

“…your favorite game is “Sag – you’re it!”.”
– Unknown

“…your knees buckle but your belt won’t!”
– Unknown

“A 60 year old man tells his son he feels listless and apathetic, and whenever he stands up he feels dizzy. His son replies, “Geez, dad, I have to smoke a whole joint to feel like that”.”
– Unknown

“A 60 year old woman goes to see a matchmaker. One of her criteria is a man with regular bowel movements. The matchmaker asks, “Does it matter if they’re voluntary?”.”
– Unknown

“A nap chance sounds better than a lap dance.”
– Unknown

“All of your favorite movies are now re-released in color.”
– Unknown

“Amusement park tickets cost more for your grandkids than you.”
– Unknown

“At 60 years old, your birthday suit requires regular ironing.”
– Unknown

“At 60 you can still chase women, but only downhill.”
– Unknown

“At 60, before crossing a room you look both ways.”
– Unknown

“At 60, conversations with people your own age often become a duel of ailments.”
– Unknown

“At 60, it takes longer to rest than it did to get tired.”
– Unknown

“At 60, you realize that you were built for comfort, not speed.”
– Unknown

“At 60, your idea of weight lifting is standing up.”
– Unknown

“At the gym, you mostly do squats because of how they help you in the bathroom.”
– Unknown

“Blessed is the person who is too busy to worry in the daytime and too sleepy to worry at night.”
– Unknown

“By the time you hit 60, when someone leaves a sexy lipstick message on your mirror, your first reaction is wondering how to clean it off.”
– Unknown

“Congrats, you’re 60! Time to start yelling at the television.”
– Unknown

“For breakfast, you actually eat cereal instead of last night’s chicken wings and leftover pizza.”
– Unknown

“Fortune tellers read your face instead of your palm.”
– Unknown

“Happy hour is a nap.”
– Unknown

“It is proven that the celebration of birthdays is healthy. By reaching your 60th you are one of the healthiest in this room, because Statistics show that those people who celebrate the most birthdays become the oldest.”
– Unknown

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