60th Birthday Humor

by allinspiration.com

“It takes four people to light the candles on your cake before the first ones have gone out.”
– Unknown

“It takes longer to rest than it did to get tired.”
– Unknown

“It’s not the cop, it’s the doctor who’s telling you to slow down.”
– Unknown

“It’s like going to a haunted house. Lots of creepy noises and smells you can’t explain.”
– Unknown

“It’s your 60th birthday! Did you hear me? Hey…’It’s your 60th birthday!’ Hope your year is better than those ears!”
– Unknown

“Leigh was just turning 60 and he had been playing golf all his life.
He comes home one day and said to his wife, “That’s it, I will have to give up golf, my eyesight is that bad I can’t see where the ball is going anymore.”
His wife in trying to cheer him up replied, “I am sure you can give it one more go. Take my older brother with you.”
“What good is that,” replied Leigh. “He’s nearly 90.”
“He may be nearly 90 but his eyesight is perfect,” replied his wife.
Next day, off they went to play golf. Leigh is a bit shaken up because of the previous day, but confident in his brother-in-law’s eyesight. He tees up, breathes slowly and steps forward. And with an all mighty swing – drives the ball down the fairway.
He turns to his brother-in-law and asks, “Did you see the ball?”
“Of course Leigh” replied his brother-in-law. “I have perfect eyesight”.
Leigh, all excited, turns back again and says “Where did it go?”
(Split second silence) “I don’t remember”.”
– Unknown

“Life is full of complications. Even when you are born there is a string attached.”
– Unknown

“Life is no longer just a pain in the ass. Everything else hurts too.”
– Unknown

“Margaret was so surprised by her birth, she was speechless for a year and a half.”
– Unknown

“Men grow old, pearls grow yellow, there is no cure for it.”
– Unknown

“Not wearing a bra tugs the wrinkles right out of your face.”
– Unknown

“Other people say you look great, then add, “for your age”.”
– Unknown

“Mirror, mirror on the wall
Do you have to tell it all?
Where do you get the glaring right
To make my clothes look too darn tight?
I think I’m fine but I can see
You won’t cooperate with me,
The way you let the shadows play
You’d think my hair was getting gray.
What’s that, you say? A double chin?
No, that’s the way the light comes in,
If you persist in peering so
You’ll confiscate my facial glow,
And then if you’re not hanging straight
You’ll tell me next I’m gaining weight,
I’m really quite upset with you
For giving this distorted view;
I hate you being smug and wise
O, look what’s happened to my thighs!
I warn you now, O mirrored wall,
Since we’re not on speaking terms at all,
If I look like this in my new jeans
You’ll find yourself in smithereens!!”
– Unknown

“People call at 9 p.m. and ask, “Did I wake you?”.”
– Unknown

“People call you “spry” and you’re not offended.”
– Unknown

“Sucking in your gut can blow the hair right off the top of your head.”
– Unknown

“The candles on your cake set off the sprinkler system.”
– Unknown

“The old spark takes a little more blowing to get going.”
– Unknown

“The quantity of gold in your mouth would make a decent retirement plan.”
– Unknown

“Things you buy now won’t wear out.”
– Unknown

“Today is the yesterday you worried about tomorrow.”
– Unknown

“Turning 60 means: No More Tank Tops.”
– Unknown

“We grow too soon old and too late smart.”
– Unknown

“We put 60 candles on your cake, but by the time we got the last one lit, the first twenty had already burned out.”
– Unknown

“When classic movies come on, your comments are: “She’s dead. He’s dead. They’re all dead”.”
– Unknown

“When she’s16, a girl is all the rage

At 18, she reaches voting age

At 21, she earns a wage

At 30, she turns a page

After 40, she becomes quite sage

At 60–she begins her Golden Age

Which means she steps onto the stage

And goes and plays the batting cage

And learns how to fix a pressure gauge

And studies the meaning of “macrophage”

Because she knows, with the wisdom of age,

In life you never disengage!”
– Unknown

“When you relax on a park bench, boy scouts offer to help you cross your legs.”
– Unknown

“Why he brought character Rocky out of retirement to make sixth and final instalment for movie Rocky Balboa.”
– Unknown

“You and your teeth don’t sleep together anymore.”
– Unknown

“You begin every other sentence with, “Nowadays…”.”
– Unknown

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