Amusing Quotations And Sayings To Bring Some Humor

by allinspiration.com

Here is a collection of amusing quotations and sayings from various authors, celebrities, famous persons, and other sources compiled by allinspiration.com for you to read and enjoy.

“There are only two things that are infinite: the universe and human stupidity. And I’m not sure about the universe.”
– Albert Einstein

“Too far south for spices and too close to the rim of the earth to be inhabited by anything but freaks and monsters”
– Abel Tasman on discovering Tasmania

“The best thing about the future is that it comes only one day at a time.”
– Abraham Lincoln

“Never trust the advice of a man in difficulties.”
– Aesop (620 BC-560 BC)

“I write and write and write, and then I edit it down to the parts that I think are amusing, or that help the storyline, or I’ll write a notebook full of ideas of anecdotes or story points, and then I’ll try and arrange them in a way that they would tell a semi-cohesive story.”
– Al Yankovic

“He has been given a large brain by mistake, since for him the spinal cord would fully suffice.”
– Albert Einstein

“Now, as a comic, if you’re vaguely amusing you can go straight into TV, then you play the O2 and then everyone’s sick of you.”
– Alexei Sayle

“Life‘s more amusing than we thought.”
– Andrew Lang

“I deeply adored my mum. She was an extraordinary person, even for the prejudice I’m likely to have. She was beautiful, amusing, a tremendous elaborator of things into comic proportions and extravagant in her imagination.”
– Andrew Motion

“If you think you’re too small to have an impact try going to bed with a mosquito in the room.”
– Anita Koddick

“If women didn’t exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.”
– Aristotle Onassis

“Much ingenuity with a little money is vastly more profitable and amusing than much money without ingenuity.”
– Arnold Bennett

“Having more money doesn’t make you happier. I have 50 million dollars but I’m just as happy as when I had 48 million.”
– Arnold Schwarzenegger

“I don’t believe in astrology. I am a Sagittarius and we’re very skeptical.”
– Arthur C. Clarke

“Reading computer manuals without the hardware is as frustrating as reading sex manuals without the software.”
– Arthur C. Clarke

“Be amusing: never tell unkind stories; above all, never tell long ones.”
– Benjamin Disraeli

“In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.”
– Benjamin Franklin

“War does not determine who is right – only who is left.”
– Bertrand Russell

“You have to be careful about being too careful”
– Beryl Pfizer

“Zsa Zsa Gabor got married as a one-off, and it was so successful she turned it into a series.”
– Bob Hope

“I’ve been told to speed up my delivery when I perform. But if I lose the stammer, I’m just another slightly amusing accountant.”
– Bob Newhart

“I have the body of a GOD”
– Budda

“Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.”
– Carl Gustav Jung

“There are things you do when you’re writing that are so fun to do it’s almost like they’re private jokes that are amusing to you but no one else is going to enjoy them nearly as much and you worry you’re going to have to take them out in the end.”
– Chad Harbach

“On two occasions I have been asked [by members of Parliament!]: ‘Pray, Mr. Babbage, if you put into the machine wrong figures, will the right answers come out ?’ I am not able rightly to apprehend the kind of confusion of ideas that could provoke such a question.”"
– Charles Babbage

“Everything considered, work is less boring than amusing oneself.”
– Charles Baudelaire

“Anybody, providing he knows how to be amusing, has the right to talk about himself.”
– Charles Baudelaire

“It is necessary to work, if not from inclination, at least from despair. Everything considered, work is less boring than amusing oneself.”
– Charles Baudelaire

“Then he ran into my knife. He ran into my knife ten times”
– Chicago

“I think we must quote whenever we feel that the allusion is interesting or helpful or amusing.”
– Cliff Fadiman

“It’s always amusing to look at how something early in the 20th century was written in anthropology and how it’s written now. There’s been an enormous shift in how it’s done, but yet you can’t put your finger on someone who actually did it.”
– Clifford Geertz

“A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: “Duh.”"
– Conan O’Brien

“If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant’s life, she will choose to save the infant’s life without even considering if there is a man on base.”
– Dave Barry

“Managing senior programmers is like herding cats”
– Dave Platt

“I never cared for fashion much, amusing little seams and witty little pleats: it was the girls I liked.”
– David Bailey

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