Amusing Quotations And Sayings To Bring Some Humor

by allinspiration.com

“Love is more pleasant than marriage for the same reason that novels are more amusing than history.”
– Nicolas Chamfort

“Criminals are never very amusing. It’s because they’re failures. Those who make real money aren’t counted as criminals. This is a class distinction, not an ethical problem.”
– Orson Welles

“Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.”
– Oscar Wilde

“As I get older, all sorts of things become less funny. Once one has children, any cruelty involving children becomes far less amusing than when one was at the mercy of one’s friends‘ and relatives’ children.”
– P. J. O’Rourke

“Blink your eyelids periodically to lubricate your eyes.”
– Page 16 of the HP “Environmental, Health Safety Handbook for Employees”

“Work expands to fill the time available.”
– Parkinson’s Law

“I love funny people, and when I’m with funny people, or people who are amusing in their weirdness, I love it. Because that to me is funny, as opposed to someone who stops and says, ‘Hey let me tell you a joke.’”
– Paul Feig

“I only went to one Star Trek convention and that was in the late ’80s. I hadn’t gone to a convention before that. It was quite amusing, with the people dressed up and all of that.”
– Persis Khambatta

“Some people have so much respect for their superiors they have none left for themselves.”
– Peter McArthur

“I think that’s how Chicago got started. A bunch of people in New York said, “Gee, I’m enjoying the crime and the poverty, but it just isn’t cold enough. Let’s go west.”
– Richard Jeni

“I have kleptomania, but when it gets bad, I take something for it.”
– Robert Benchle

“Most of the arguments to which I am a party fall somewhat short of being impressive, owing to the fact that neither I nor my opponent knows what we are talking about.”
– Robert Charles Benchley

“The generation of random numbers is too important to be left to chance.”
– Robert R. Coveyou, Oak Ridge National Laboratory

“Never criticize a man until you’ve run a mile in his shoes. That way, if he doesn’t like what you have to say, it’ll be okay because you’ll be a mile away and you’ll have his shoes. ”
– Robin Evans

“Instead of getting married again, I’m going to find a woman I don’t like and just give her a house.”
– Rod Stewart

“A girl phoned me the other day and said… Come on over, there’s nobody home. I went over. Nobody was home.”
– Rodney Dangerfield

“I worked in a pet shop and people kept asking how big I’d get.”
– Rodney Dangerfield

“People who drink light beer don’t like the taste of beer; they just like to pee a lot.”
– Rodney Dangerfield

“I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.”
– Rodney Dangerfield

“My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday.”
– Rodney Dangerfield

“What we ask of music, first and last, is that it communicate experience – experience of all kinds, vital and profound at its greatest, amusing or entertaining at another level.”
– Roger Sessions

“How can a president not be an actor?” – when asked “How could an actor become president?”
– Ronald Reagan

“I’ve noticed that everyone who is for abortion has already been born.”
– Ronald Reagan

“They say hard work never hurt anybody, but I figure why take the chance.”
– Ronald Reagan

“I have left orders to be awakened at any time in case of national emergency – even if I’m in a Cabinet meeting.”
– Ronald Reagan

“I am not worried about the deficit. It is big enough to take care of itself.”
– Ronald Reagan

“I mean I can do it when I’m very relaxed, and with good friends, then I think I can be amusing.”
– Rowan Atkinson

“Funny things tend not to happen to me. I am not a natural comic. I need to think about things a lot before I can be even remotely amusing.”
– Rowan Atkinson

“I always try to keep in mind that while the characters in a farce may find themselves in outrageous dilemmas, and may behave in a way that the audience finds amusing, the characters themselves don’t have the consolation of knowing they’re in a comedy.”
– Rupert Holmes

“As an actor you get categorized by other people, but it’s not like I arrange myself into comedy mode or serious mode. If it’s good writing you just have to play it true – if it’s funny, it’s funny. But obviously you don’t want it to be amusing if you’re playing Hedda Gabler!”
– Sophie Thompson

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