Comedy Quotes And Sayings

by allinspiration.com

“I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don’t seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.” 
– Emo Philips

“Some mornings, it’s just not worth chewing through the leather straps.” 
– Emo Philips

“By the time I finished comedy, I was really burnt out of it. I had had enough. I don’t really have a strong desire to prove myself in that area, or to go back to it in any great way.”
– Eric Bana 

“Life doesn’t make any sense, and we all pretend it does. Comedy’s job is to point out that it doesn’t make sense, and that it doesn’t make much difference anyway.” 
– Eric Idle

“My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn’t take it out of my garden.” 
– Eric Morecambe

“There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.” 
– Erma Bombeck

“But sometimes it’s good to dare yourself to do the unthinkable. And rather than stand in front of an audience with no clothes on, I decided to have a go at stand-up comedy.”
– Evan Davis 

“You know, I’ve always thought that it would be really funny if somebody made a romantic comedy where absolutely everything went well from beginning to end.”
– Fiona Apple 

“A drug is not bad. A drug is a chemical compound. The problem comes in when people who take drugs treat them like a license to behave like an asshole.” 
– Frank Zappa

“We are living in the machine age. For the first time in history the comedian has been compelled to supply himself with jokes and comedy material to compete with the machine. Whether he knows it or not, the comedian is on a treadmill to oblivion.”
– Fred A. Allen 

“I’m so unlucky that if I was to fall into a barrel of nipples I’d come out sucking my thumb.” 
– Freddie Starr

“First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.” 
– George Burns

“Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.”
– George Carlin

“Have you ever noticed, in traffic, anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac!”
– George Carlin

“Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac.” 
– George Carlin

“I have as much authority as the Pope. I just don’t have as many people who believe it.”
– George Carlin

“If it weren’t for electricity we’d all be watching television by candlelight.”
– George Gobel

“Comedy is very controlling – you are making people laugh.”
– Gilda Radner 

“I don’t want to talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough wiper. I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries.” 
– Graham Chapman

“We mustn’t complain too much of being comedians, it’s an honorable profession. If only we could be good ones the world might gain at least a sense of style. We have failed, that’s all. We are bad comedians, we aren’t bad men.”
– Graham Greene 

“I had wanted to do a comedy.”
– Gus Van Sant 

“The dark comedies tend to be in a non-releasable area. There can be romantic comedies. There can be dramas. But there’s no ‘dark comedy’ inbox for the advertising.”
– Gus Van Sant 

“The most protean aspect of comedy is its potentiality for transcending itself, for responding to the conditions of tragedy by laughing in the darkness.” 
– Harry Levin

“I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one of those clubs wanted to bet me $10 that I was dead. I was afraid to bet.”
– Henry Youngman

“Our records, if you have a dark sense of humor, were funny, but our records weren’t about comedy. They were about protests, fantasy, confrontation and all that.”
– Ice Cube 

“When I was a kid, among the other embarrassing things I would do, and there’s a list of stupid things, but I would make these dumb comedy tapes. I would often make prank phone calls, but I would also do it with friends.”
– J. J. Abrams 

“And I must draft an advertisement for the Daily Prophet, too,’ he added thoughtfully. ‘We’ll be needing a new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher…. Dear me, we do seem to run through them, don’t we?” 
– J.K. Rowling

“You are a manipulator. I like to think of myself more as an outcome engineer.” 
– J.R. Ward

“Whenever I catch a chunk of an Adam Sandler comedy on cable, it looks as badly shot and goofily tossed off as a Jerry Lewis gag reel once he hit the late downslide with ‘Hardly Working’ and ‘Cracking Up.”
– James Wolcott 

It’s the contemporary woman that movies don’t know what to do with, other than bathe her in a bridal glow in romantic comedies where both the romance and the comedy are artificial sweeteners.”
– James Wolcott 

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