Comedy Quotes And Sayings

by allinspiration.com

“Sometimes I think war is God‘s way of teaching us geography.”
– Paul Rodriguez

“The perception of the comic is a tie of sympathy with other men, a pledge of sanity, and a protection from those perverse tendencies and gloomy insanities in which fine intellects sometimes lose themselves. A rogue alive to the ludicrous is still convertible. If that sense is lost, his fellow-men can do little for him.”
– Ralph Waldo Emerson

“There’s nothing worse than being an aging young person.”
– Richard Pryor

“I was a vegetarian until I started leaning towards sunlight.”
– Rita Rudner

“I think I have a natural, if I can say that, got a kind of natural ability in comedy.”
– Robert Carlyle 

“Ah, yes, divorce … from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet.” 
– Robin Williams

“See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.” 
– Robin Williams

“We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.” 
– Robin Williams.

“I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous – everyone hasn’t met me yet.” 
– Rodney Dangerfield

“My husband said he needed more space. So I locked him outside.”
– Roseanne

“You’re about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.” 
– Rowan Atkinson

“Situation comedy on television has thrived for years on ‘canned’ laughter, grafted by gaglines by technicians using records of guffawing audiences that have been dead for years.”
– Russell Baker 

“If I were to die of anything vaguely sex-related or had taken Viagra, you just know there’d be headlines of ‘Russell How-hard’ in the newspapers.”
– Russell Howard

“Just leave me alone, I want to be alone,” she said when Jack tried to open the car door. She hit the lock, and wound the window up. Since the roof was down, it was a fairly pointless exercise.” 
– Sarah Mayberry

“I’m not sure anybody’s ready to see me in a drama. And loving movies so much, I’ve seen a lot of comics try to make that transition too fast, and it can be detrimental. And I don’t think I’ve had as much success as I need in the comedy genre to open up those opportunities.”
– Seann William Scott 

“The comedy of class, played so straight, is a wonderful thing for an actor to sink their teeth into.”
– Shirley MacLaine 

“I own four copies of Robin Williams’s Live on Broadway comedy special for HBO. One in Wilmington, one in L.A., one in my trailer, and one at my parents‘ house. I can watch it over and over again and it never gets old. He is the funniest, wittiest man on the planet!”
– Sophia Bush 

“How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven.” 
– Spike Milligan

“A tragedy is a tragedy, and at the bottom, all tragedies are stupid. Give me a choice and I’ll take A Midsummer Night’s Dream over Hamlet every time. Any fool with steady hands and a working set of lungs can build up a house of cards and then blow it down, but it takes a genius to make people laugh.” 
– Stephen King

“A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.”
– Steve Martin

“Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.” 
– Steven Wright

“If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?” 
– Steven Wright

“The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney…” 
– Steven Wright

“There is one thing I would break up over and that is if she caught me with another woman. I wouldn’t stand for that.” 
– Steve Martin

“Comedy is the art of making people laugh without making them puke.” 
– Steve Martin

“Thankfully, persistence is a great substitute for talent.” 
– Steve Martin

“Comedy may be big business but it isn’t pretty.”
– Steve Martin 

“With comedy, you have no place to go but more comedy, so you’re never off the hook.”
– Steve Martin 

“I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck. But my lawyer thinks he can get me five.”
– Steven Wright

“Today I met with a subliminal advertising executive for just a second.”
– Steven Wright

Pages: 1 2 3 4 5

Follow this site