Cute Funny Quotes And Sayings To Make You Laugh

by allinspiration.com

“I’m writing a book. I’ve got the page numbers done.”
– Steven Wright

“What’s another word for Thesaurus?”
– Steven Wright

“I learned the real meaning of love. Love is absolute loyalty. People fade, looks fade, but loyalty never fades. You can depend so much on certain people, you can set your watch by them. And that’s love, even if it doesn’t seem very exciting.”
– Sylvester Stallone

“It takes considerable knowledge just to realize the extent of your own ignorance.”
– Thomas Sowell

“If we’re not supposed to eat animals, how come they’re made out of meat?”
– Tom Snyder

“A babysitter is a teenager acting like an adult while the adults are out acting like teenagers.”
– Unknown

“A good marriage is like a casserole, only those responsible for it really know what goes in it.”
– Unknown

“Be nice to your kids. They’ll choose your nursing home.”
– Unknown

“If life is a bitch then make sure she’s a good looking one!”
– Unknown

“Relationships are like yard sales, they look really fun from a couple hundred feet away, but then you realize its just a bunch of crap you don’t need.”
– Unknown

“I may not get to see you as often as I like. I may not get to hold you in my arms all through the night. But deep in my heart I truly know, you’re the one that I love, and I can’t let you go.”
– Unknown Author

“I ran up the door, closed the stairs, said my pajamas, and put on my prayers. Turned off the bed, and hopped into the light, all because you kissed me good night.”
– Unknown Author

“If love is great, and there are no greater things, then what I feel for you must be the greatest.”
– Unknown Author

“I love you not because of who you are, but because of who I am when I am with you. ”
– Unknown Author

“I was finally getting over you and actually believing I didn’t need you. I was finally accepting you had another girl. Then you smiled at me and ruined it all. ”
– Unknown Author

“I wish I had the guts to walk away from what we had. But I can’t because I know you won’t come after me, and that’s what hurts the most. ”
– Unknown Author

“If a star fell each time I thought about you then the moon would truly realise what loneliness is really like. ”
– Unknown Author

“If I could be any part of you, I’d be your tears. To be conceived in your heart, born in your eyes, live on your cheeks, and die on your lips. ”
– Unknown Author

“If I could give you one thing in life, I would give you the ability to see yourself through my eyes, only then would you realize how special you are to me. ”
– Unknown Author

“If I could reach up and hold a star for every time you’ve made me smile, the entire evening sky would be in the palm of my hand. ”
– Unknown Author

“If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular? ”
– Unknown Author

“If sex is such a natural phenomenon, how come there are so many books on how to do it? ”
– Unknown Author

“I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.”
– W. C. Fields

“I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.”
– W. C. Fields

“I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known. ”
– Walt Disney

“I no doubt deserved my enemies, but I don’t believe I deserved my friends.”
– Walt Whitman

“I buy expensive suits. They just look cheap on me.”
– Warren Buffett

“Be thankful we’re not getting all the government we’re paying for.”
– Will Rogers

“I am not a member of any organized political party. I am a Democrat.”
– Will Rogers

“If music be the food of love, play on… ”
– William Shakespeare

“I sold my memoirs of my love life to Parker Brothers and they are going to make a game out of it. ”
– Woody Allen

“I am not afraid of death, I just don’t want to be there when it happens.”
– Woody Allen

“A nickel ain’t worth a dime anymore.”
– Yogi Berra

“I never said most of the things I said.”
– Yogi Berra

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