Famous Funny Quotes And Sayings To Bring Some Humor

by allinspiration.com

Here is a collection of famous funny quotes and sayings from various authors, celebrities, famous persons, and other sources compiled by allinspiration.com for you to read and enjoy.

“As long as people will accept crap, it will be financially profitable to dispense it.”
– Dick Cavett

“Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I’m not there, I go to work.”
– Robert Orben

“He who sleeps on the floor will not fall off the bed”
– Robert Gronock

“I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.”
– Thomas Alva Edison (1847-1931)

“If we don’t succeed, we run the risk of failure.”
– Dan Quayle

“It is generally agreed that “Hello” is an appropriate greeting because if you entered a room and said “Goodbye,” it could confuse a lot of people.”
– Dolph Sharp

“It matters not whether you win or lose; what matters is whether I win or lose.”
– Darrin Weinberg

“Life is anything that dies when you stomp on it.”
– Dave Barry

“Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I’m not sure about the former.”
– Albert Einstein (1879-1955)

“Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.”
– Fletcher Knebel

“The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.”
– Jon Hammond

“The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do.”
– Walter Bagehot

“You can observe a lot by just watching.”
– Yogi Berra

“A word to the wise ain’t necessary — it’s the stupid ones that need the advice.”
– Bill Cosby

“It’s always funny until someone gets hurt. Then it’s just hilarious.”
– Bill Hicks

“Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read.”
– Groucho Marx

“Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.”
– Mark Twain

“By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day.”
– Robert Frost

“Life is like a ten-speed bicycle. Most of us have gears we never use.”
– Charles Schulz

“Opportunity is always knocking. The problem is that most people have the self-doubt station in their heads turned up way too loud to hear it.”
– Brian Vaszily

“Some people develop a wishbone where their back bone should be.”
– Anonymous

“You grow up the day you have your first real laugh – at yourself.”
– Ethel Barrymore

“Many of us spend half our time wishing for things we could have if we didn’t spend half our time wishing.”
– Alexander Woollcott

“Remember, today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.”
– Dale Carnegie

“The most important thing is not to stop questioning.”
– Albert Einstein

“The best way to cheer yourself is to cheer somebody else up.”
– Mark Twain

“And in the end it’s not the years in your life that count. It’s the life in your years.”
– Abraham Lincoln

“Dream as if you’ll live forever, live as if you’ll die today.”
– James Dean

“Hope is the dream of the waking man.”
– Aristotle

“It is not the answer that enlightens, but the question.”
– Eugene Ionesco Decouvertes

“The best way to make your dreams come true is to wake up.”
– Paul Valery

“Don’t judge each day by the harvest you reap, but by the seeds you plant.”
– Robert Louis Stevenson

“If you hit every time, the target is too near or too big.”
– Tom Hirshfield

“There are three kinds of men. The one that learns by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence for themselves.”
– Will Rogers

“Studying humor is like dissecting a frog — you may know a lot but you end up with a dead frog.”
– Mark Twain

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