Funniest Sayings And Quotes To Laugh At

by allinspiration.com

“A sharp tongue does not mean you have a keen min”
– Unknown

“Anyone who told you to be yourself couldn’t have given you any worse advice”
– Unknown

“Don’t let your mind wander, it’s far too small to be let out on its own”
– Unknown

“I know you are nobody’s fool, but maybe someone will adopt you one day.”
– Unknown

“I’m impressed, I’ve never met such a small mind inside such a big head before.”
– Unknown

“She’s the first in her family born without tail.”
– Unknown

“What’s wrong, don’t you get any attention back home?”
– Unknown

“You should do some soul-searching. You might just find one”
– Unknown

“You’re a habit I’d like to kick – with both feet.”
– Unknown

“Most women set out to try to change a man, and when they have changed him they do not like him.”
– Marlene Die

“I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.”
– Joan Rivers

“Help a man when he is in trouble and he will never remember you until he is in trouble again.”
– Unknown

“If we are what we eat, I’m fast, cheap and easy. ”
– Unknown

“People ask me from time to time what it was like growing up with Henry Fonda as my father. I say, Ever see Fort Apache? He was like Colonel Thursday.”
– Peter Fonda

“We need to take responsibility and educate people. That’s why black folks don’t like me. I always say it’s our responsibility to make safe neighborhoods. It’s our job to get them cleaned up.”
– Charles Evers

“Speaking as a black person, welfare is the worst thing that’s ever happened to us.”
– Charles Evers

“Leprechauns, castles, good luck and laughter. Lullabies, dreams and love ever after. Poems and songs with pipes and drums. A thousand welcomes when anyone comes… That’s the Irish for you!”
– Irish Sayings

“There are fish in the sea better than have ever been caught”
– Irish Sayings

“The best kind of friend is the kind you can sit on a porch swing with, never say a word, then walk away feeling like it was the best conversation that you ever had.”
– Arnold H. Glasgow

“No man ever believes that the Bible means what it says: He is always convinced that it says what he means.”
– George Bernard Shaw

“Men don’t care what’s on TV. They only care what else is on TV.”
– jerry Seinfeld

“Don’t forget Mother’s Day. Or as they call it in Beverly Hills, Dad‘s Third Wife Day.”
– Jay Leno

“I have come to the conclusion that politics is too serious a matter to be left to the politicians. ”
– Charles De Gaulle

“Hawaii has always been a very pivotal role in the Pacific. It is in the Pacific. It is a part of the United States that is an island that is right here.”
– Dan Quayle

“If I talk to a girl, it’s assumed that I’m having a scene with her. If I don’t, then it’s assumed that I’m gay.”
– Shahrukh Khan

“Will the people in the cheaper seats clap your hands? And the rest of you, if you’ll just rattle your jewelry.”
– John Lennon

“Don’t ever tell anybody anything. If you do, you start missing everybody.”
– J D Salinger

“I was playing poker the other night… with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.”
– Steven Wright

“It’s your money. You paid for it.”
– George W. Bush

“Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: a little bit of support, and a little bit of freedom.”
– jerry Seinfeld

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