Funniest Sayings And Quotes To Laugh At

by allinspiration.com

“Sexual intercourse is a grossly overrated pastime; the position is undignified, the pleasure momentary and the consequences damnable.”
– Lord Chesterfield

“When a man steals your wife there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.”
– sasha Guitry

“I’ve been in love with the same woman for forty years – if my wife finds out she’ll kill me.”
– Henry Youngman

“Hosting the Oscars is much like making love to a woman. It’s something I only get to do when Billy Crystal is out of town. ”
– Steve Martin

“Marriage is an adventure, like going to war. ”
– G K Chesterton

“I love humanity but I hate people. ”
– Edna St Vincent Millay

“A sweetheart is a bottle of wine, a wife is a wine bottle.”
– Baudelaire

“To fall in love is awfully simple, but to fall out of love is simply awful.”
– Bess Myerson

“My wife is a sex object. Every time I ask for sex, she objects.”
– Les Dawson

“Marriages are made in heaven. But so again, are thunder and lightning. ”
– Anonymous

“Why get married and make one man miserable when I can stay single and make thousands miserable?”
– Carrie P snow

“I said to my husband, ‘Why don’t you call out my name when we are making love?’ He said, ‘I don’t want to wake you up.’”
– Joan Rivers

“An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets the more interested he is in her.”
– Agatha Christie

“My wife was afraid of the dark… then she saw me naked and now, she’s afraid of the light.”
– Rodney Dangerfield

“Bart, with $10,000, we’d be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like… love!”
– Homer Simpson

“Some people think having large breasts makes a woman stupid. Actually, it’s quite the opposite: a woman having large breasts makes men stupid.”
– Rita Rudner

“I always start writing with a clean piece of paper and a dirty mind.”
– Patrick dennis

“If American politics are too dirty for women to take part in, there’s something wrong with American politics.”
– Edna Ferber

“I got nasty habits – I take tea at three.”
– Mick jagger

“Some of the dirtiest dogs, past and present, had mothers. ”
– Gregory Null

“Your wrinkles either show that you’re nasty, cranky, and senile, or that you’re always smiling.”
– Carlos Santana

“There was no end to the ways in which nice things are nicer than nasty ones. ”
– Kingsley Amis

“The Stones were nasty and ugly and doing songs I was familiar with.”
– Steve Guttenberg

“I really wanted to be nasty and mean and bad. It’s so much easier than being the good girl. ”
– Robin Tunney

“Life is painful, nasty and short… in my case it has only been painful and nasty.”
– Djuna Barnes

“Poetry is one of the few nasty childhood habits I’ve managed to grow out of.”
– Tom Holt

“Behind every successful woman, is a basket of dirty laundry.”
– Sally Forth

“Left hand, right hand, it doesn’t matter. I’m amphibious.”
– Charles Shackleford

“The drivers have one foot on the brake, one on the clutch, and one on the throttle.”
– Bob Varsha

“Some people think football is a matter of life and death; I can assure them it is much more serious than that.”
– Bill Shankly

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