Funny And Inspirational Quotes And Sayings

by allinspiration.com

“Life begins at 40 – but so do fallen arches, rheumatism, faulty eyesight, and the tendency to tell a story to the same person, three or four times.”
– Helen Rowland

“You grow up the day you have your first real laugh – at yourself.”
– Ethel Barrymore

“DECIDE what it is you really want to do in this world, the one thing that, 150 years from now, will still cause people to exclaim, ‘He was here, he did something AMAZING.’ And then grab some Tostitos and go watch ESPN. That’s enough self-delusional bullshit for one day.”
– Buster Guru

“I knew I was going to take the wrong train, so I left early.”
– Yogi Berra

“I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying.”
– Oscar Wilde

“I’ve got all the money I’ll ever need, if I die by four o’clock.”
– henry Youngman

“People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing – that’s why we recommend it daily.”
– Zig Ziglar

“Burn your computer. Blow up your TV. Bludgeon your cell phone. Breathe deeply. This, my friends, is the secret to inner-peace.”
– Brian Vaszily

“Five out of four people have trouble with fractions.’
– Unknown

“I’ve developed a new philosophy… I only dread one day at a time.”
– Charles Schulz

“Many of us spend half our time wishing for things we could have if we didn’t spend half our time wishing.”
– Alexander Woollcott

“If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into committees. That’ll do them in.”
– Unknown

“I feel like a fugitive from the law of averages.”
– William Mauldin

“If I had a dollar for every time someone came to me with not only a problem but also a possible solution to that problem, I’d have six dollars.”
– Brian Vaszily

“To do is to be.”
– Descartes

“To be is to do.”
– Voltaire

“Do be do be do.”
– Frank Sinatra

“Here is a test to find whether your mission on earth is finished: If you’re alive it isn’t.”
– Richard Bach

“There is more to life than increasing its speed.”
– Gandhi

“Even if you are on the right track, you will get run over if you just sit there.”
– Will Rogers

“God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, and the ability to change the people I cannot stand. Amen. ”
– Buster Guru

“Do your best! Chances are great you won’t succeed, most people actually don’t. But hey, loser, at least you did your best.”
– Buster Guru

“The greatest strength is kindness… That’s something I’d really like to pound into the heads of all these rude little dumb ass punk shits who don’t seem to realize that.”
– Buster Guru

“You’re only as old as you feel. And you look like you feel pretty damned old. ”
– Buster Guru

“Not maxing out your new credit card is like getting a hot girl in bed but then only feeling her up.”
– Buster Guru

“I hate it when people judge other people… People who do that are all small-minded hillbillies who should just go to hell.”
– Buster Guru

“The early bird gets the worm. Moral: Sleep in late, worms.”
– Buster Guru

“Backwards spelled forward is backwards.”
– Buster Guru

“If people treat you unkindly, STOP, breathe deep, and remember this… They are only reacting to their own unresolved problems, it truly has nothing to do with you. Then give them the finger.”
– Buster Guru

“What you do speaks so loud that I cannot hear what you say.”
– Ralph Waldo Emerson

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