Funny As Hell Sayings And Quotes To Amuse You

by allinspiration.com

“A successful man is one who can lay a firm foundation with the bricks others have thrown at him”
– David Brinkley

“There’s no business like show business, but there are several businesses like accounting”
– David Letterman

“Make sure you have a vice president in charge of your revolution, to engender ferment among your more conventional colleagues”
– David Ogilvy

“I mean what good does it do anyone to kill themselves working, because the worms will get you in the end. ”
– Dorothy Gish

“Accomplishing the impossible means only the boss will add it to your regular duties”
– Doug Larson

“The world is divided into people who do things–and people who get the credit. ”
– Dwight Morrow

“Success is simply a matter of luck. Ask any failure”
– Earl Wilson

“Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance? ”
– Edgar Bergen

“I’m not the smartest fellow in the world, but I can sure pick smart colleagues”
– Franklin D

“I learned long ago, never to wrestle with a pig, you get dirty; and besides, the pig likes it”
– George Bernard Shaw

“Never try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time and it annoys the pig”
– George Bernard Shaw

“Don’t stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed”
– George Burns

“It is no exaggeration to say that the undecided could go one way or another ”
– George Bush

“Let me tell you something that we Israelis have against Moses. He took us 40 years through the desert in order to bring us to the one spot in the Middle East that has no oil.”
– Golda Meir

“Success means only doing what you do well, letting someone else do the rest”
– Goldstein S

“If you want to see a comic strip, you should see me in the shower.”
– Groucho Marx

“Find a job you like and you add five days to every week”
– H. Jackson Brown

“Beware of any enterprise requiring new clothes”
– Henry Thoreau

“Don’t worry about people stealing your ideas. If your ideas are any good, you’ll have to ram them down people’s throats”
– Howard Aiken

“Hard work is damn near as overrated as monogamy. ”
– Huey Long

“If you can count your money, you don’t have a billion dollars”
– J. Paul Getty

“If you see a bandwagon, it’s too late”
– James Goldsmith

“The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot.”
– Jay Leno

“Get the right people on the bus and in the right seat”
– Jim Collins

“Right now, this is a job. If I advance any higher, this would be my career. And if this were my career, I’d have to throw myself in front of a train”
– Jim Halpert/The Office

“People are still willing to do an honest day’s work. The trouble is they want a week’s pay for it. ”
– Joey Adams

“Early to bed and early to rise probably indicates unskilled labor”
– John Ciardi

“Any organization is like a septic tank. The really big chunks rise to the top. ”
– John Imhoff

“I do not feel we did wrong in taking this great country away from them. There were large numbers of people who needed new land, and Indians were selfishly trying to keep for themselves. ”
– John Wayne

“Success and failure are both difficult to endure. Along with success come drugs, divorce, fornication, bullying, travel, meditation, medication, depression, neurosis and suicide. With failure comes failure.”
– Joseph Heller

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