Funny Christmas Quotes And Sayings

by allinspiration.com

“I might do ‘X Factor’ next year. It’s looking good that I won’t get the sack at Christmas.”
– Gary Barlow

“Then, when I got in the military, I used to host – even in high school – I hosted the talent shows, and when I was in the military I would host all of our base Christmas parties and stuff.”
– Gary Owens

“My mother, she had a very good attitude toward money. I’m very grateful for the fact that we had to learn to save. I used to get like 50 pence a week, and I’d save it for like five months. And then I’d spend it on Christmas presents. I’d save up like eight pounds. It’s nothing, but we did that.”
– Gemma Arterton

“In the spring of 1994 I decided not to seek reelection to the Senate. I had made the decision 12 years earlier, Christmas Day of 1982, just after I had been first elected to a full term, that I would do the best I could for a limited time.”
– George J. Mitchell

“My father died when I was young and I was raised by my grandmother, Emma Klonjlaleh Brown. We could afford to eat chicken just once a year, on Christmas.”
– George Weah

“I wish we could put up some of the Christmas spirit in jars and open a jar of it every month. ”
– Harlan Miller

“I’ve also just finished filming the role of Robert Brown in ‘Just William,’ which is due to transmit on BBC One at Christmas.”
– Harry Melling

“I love the excitement, the childlike spirit of innocence and just about everything that goes along with Christmas.”
– Hillary Scott

“I’m a disorganized mess. My purse is gross: I once found a shoulder pad, string cheese, and a Christmas ornament in it!”
– Hoda Kotb

“A typical Christmas is me shucking oysters. I love them and I always get them in at Christmas.”
– Hugh Bonneville

“I don’t want to see people decorating a house or digging a garden. As for guys like Jonathan Ross, he got an award there last Christmas. What for? He doesn’t sing, dance or tell jokes, does he?”
– Ian St. John

“Christmas albums are not something you do frequently.”
– Isaac Hanson

“There are very few people who have done more than one Christmas album.”
– Isaac Hanson

“I just travel all the time. And I was just looking at the schedules now and starting the first week of October I will be every weekend with somebody at tournaments through Christmas. So it gets very difficult to just go away and not do that.”
– Ivan Lendl

“I’ve been in elementary education for years and my belief is that Christmas pageants in schools are little more than conditioning kids for the Christian religion.”
– Jack Bowman

“Our whole family assembles in Chicago at Christmas and usually in Aspen in the summer.”
– James Cronin

“The Earth reminded us of a Christmas tree ornament hanging in the blackness of space. As we got farther and farther away it diminished in size. Finally it shrank to the size of a marble, the most beautiful marble you can imagine.”
– James Irwin

“Now, a lot of what we are doing right now, quite frankly, is because of what happened on Christmas. Many of the things were kind of in the works. We were already planning, for example, the purchase and deployment of advanced imaging technology. You call them body scanners. We call them AITs (Advanced Imaging Technologies).”
– Janet Napolitano

“A Christmas shopper’s complaint is one of long-standing. ”
– Jay Leno

“When I was eight years old, I got a dummy for Christmas and started teaching myself. I got books and records and sat in front of the bathroom mirror, practising. I did my first show in the third grade and just kept going; there was no reason to quit.”
– Jeff Dunham

“The one thing women don’t want to find in their stockings on Christmas morning is their husband.”
– Joan Rivers

“South Park started as a little video Christmas card.”
– Joel Hodgson

“Do they still make wooden Christmas Trees?”
– Joey Adams

“The denominational world tries to pressure its members to focus on the birth of Christ, but in doing so layers of guilt are imposed, and competition gets complicated as one Christmas program tries to outdo the other.”
– John Clayton

“To understand this Christmas record, you have to understand our ministry.”
– John Tesh

“Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.”
– Johnny Carson

“I used to know Jennifer Love Hewitt. We lived in the same apartment building when I was about… jeez, I guess it was when I was doing ‘Christmas Vacation‘, so I was about 13 or 14.”
– Johnny Galecki

“I wouldn’t recommend young kids see ‘Speedway Junkie.’ It’s definitely an age-appropriate movie – dark and realistic and edgy. If young kids want to see me, go see the Christmas movie.”
– Jonathan Taylor Thomas

“I’d have to say, for me, as a child, my favorite memories were always centered around Christmas time. It always seemed like no matter how much money my parents had or didn’t have, we got completely spoiled rotten. There were always presents under the tree, and we always did special things, like hide elves around the house.”
– Josie Bissett

“Most of the soap operas always use the Christmas special to kill huge quantities of their characters. So they have trams coming off their rails, or cars slamming into each other or burning buildings. It’s a general clean-out.”
– Julian Fellowes

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