Funny Christmas Quotes And Sayings

by allinspiration.com

“But Tammy Faye calls me, and Ron Jeremy calls me, Erik Estrada sends me a Christmas card every year.”
– Trishelle Cannatella

“At school, there was an annual school disco and I’d be standing in my bedroom wondering what to wear for hours on end. Eventually I’d arrive at a decision that was just the most ridiculous costume you could have ever devised – I think it was probably knitted Christmas jumpers on top of buttoned-up white shirts.”
– Unknown

“Christmas begins about the first of December with an office party and ends when you finally realize what you spent, around April fifteenth of the next year.”
– Unknown

“Christmas is a race to see which gives out first – your money or your feet.”
– Unknown

“Christmas is the season when you buy this year’s gifts with next year’s money.”
– Unknown

“Christmas just like a day at the office; you do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.”
– Unknown

“Decorate your homes with lots of mistletoe… this won’t really help the environment… But more kissing has got to be good for world peace.”
– Unknown

“In the old days, it was not called the Holiday Season; the Christians called it ‘Christmas’ and went to church; the Jews called it ‘Hanukka’ and went to synagogue; the atheists went to parties and drank. People passing each other on the street would say ‘Merry Christmas!’ or ‘Happy Hanukka!’ or (to the atheists) ‘Look out for the wall!”
– Unknown

“Next to a circus there ain’t nothing that packs up and tears out faster than the Christmas spirit.”
– Unknown

“No matter how carefully you stored the lights last year, they will be snarled again this Christmas.”
– Unknown

“Oh, for the good old days when people would stop Christmas shopping when they ran out of money.”
– Unknown

“Three phrases that sum up Christmas are: Peace on Earth, Goodwill to Men, and Batteries not Included.”
– Unknown

“What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic.”
– Unknown

“What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.”
– Unknown

“Why is Christmas just like a day at the office? You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.”
– Unknown

“Anyone who believes that men are the equal of women has never seen a man trying to wrap a Christmas present.”
– Unknown

“I know its not Christmas, but Santa’s lap is always ready.”
– Unknown

“Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people once a year.”
– Victor Borge

“We should celebrate Christmas throughout the year, but I believe the whole concept of giving was the basis of Christmas, that it was a charitable, you know, giving, and I think we got carried away with giving.”
– Victoria Osteen

“I’ve also committed my time and resources to many local organizations like Christmas in April, Catholic Community Services, and Hudson County Meals on Wheels.”
– Vincent Frank

“Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we’ll be seeing six or seven.”
– W.C. Fields

“There has been only one Christmas – the rest are anniversaries.”
– W.J. Cameron

“Every Christmas now for years, I have found myself wondering about the point of the celebration. As the holiday has become more ecumenical and secular, it has lost much of the magic that I remember so fondly from childhood.”
– Whitley Strieber

“I put the copy of ‘A Christmas Carol’ that my grandfather had first read to me 60 years ago on my desk, and I began to write. The result, for better or for worse, is the ‘Christmas Spirits.’ I plan to read it to my grandson.”
– Whitley Strieber

“The upheavals of adolescence silenced ‘A Christmas Carol’ for a few years. I became a firebrand atheist. Christmas – humbug! Too commercial! Then I became an agnostic. Christmas was a pro-forma affair, basically a chore. Buy mother a book, dad a new tie, my brother and sister small gifts. Pretend thanks for the fountain pens and shirts I received.”
– Whitley Strieber

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