Funny Life Quotes And Sayings To Make You Laugh

by allinspiration.com

Here is a collection of funny life quotes and sayings from various authors, celebrities, famous persons, and other sources compiled by allinspiration.com for you to read and enjoy.

“Life is an incurable disease.”
– Abraham Crowley

“And in the end, it’s not the years in your life that count. It’s the life in your years. ”
– Abraham Lincoln

“The most important thing is not to stop questioning. ”
– Albert Einstein

“Drive carefully! Remember, it’s not only a car that can be recalled by it’s maker. ”
– Anonymous

“One out of four people is a Chinese. If your father, your mother and your brother are not Chinese, it must be you.”
– Anonymous

“Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. “Yes” is the answer.”
– Anonymous

“Life is like a hot bath. It feels good while you’re in it, but the longer you stay in, the more wrinkled you get.”
– Anonymous

“Someday life will all make perfect sense, so laugh through the confusion smile through the tears, and keep reminding yourself everything happens for a reason.”
– Anonymous

“Love me or leave me. Hey, where is everybody going?”
– Anonymous

“Everyone should have at least two friends – one to talk to and one to talk about.”
– Anonymous

“Researchers have found that men are four times more likely to sleep naked than women are. Perhaps all that body hair keeps them too warm! Or maybe they just never got around to replacing their Batman pyjamas.”
– Anonymous

“When every thing’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane. ”
– Anonymous

“The hardest years in life are those between ten and seventy. ”
– Anonymous

“Life is like a beautiful song–only the lyrics are all screwed up.”
– Anonymous

“Life is so unlike theory.”
– Anthony Trollope

“You can find tea in a tea cup.. but cannot find world in a world cup.”
– Arjuna Ranatunga

“I want to die like my grandfather, peacefully, in his sleep. Not screaming, like the passengers in his car.”
– Author Unknown

“Only two things are necessary to keep one’s wife happy. One is to let her think she is having her own way, and the other is to let her have it. ”
– B. Johnson

“Beware of the young doctor and the old barber.”
– Benjamin Franklin

“Girls are like pianos. When they’re not upright, they’re grand. ”
– Benny Hill

“A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.”
– Bob Hope

“I grew up with six brothers. That’s how I learned to dance – waiting to get into the bathroom.”
– Bob Hope

“Mom and Dad say I should make my life an example of the principles I believe in. But every time I do, they tell me to stop it.”
– Calvin, Calvin & Hobbes

“Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, “Where have I gone wrong?” Then a voice says to me, “This is going to take more than one night.”"
– Charles M Schulz

“I think I’ve discovered the secret of life – you just hang around until you get used to it.”
– Charles M Schulz

“In the book of life, the answers aren’t in the back”
– Charlie Brown

“Just because you’re not paranoid doesn’t mean they’re not out to get you. ”
– Colin Sautar

“Do not worry if others do not understand you. Instead worry if you do not understand others. ”
– Confucius

“It’s funny how most activists are pacifists.”
– Craig Bruce

“I found a great way to attract money… work!”
– Curtis D. Tucker

“To err is human; to admit it, superhuman.”
– Doug Larson

“Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.”
– Dr. Seuss

“You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly, but I bet you ain’t never seen a donkey fly! Ha, ha!”
– Eddie Murphy, Shrek

“I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three. ”
– Elayne Boosler

“Do not take life too seriously; you will never get out of it alive.”
– Elbert Hubbard

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