Funny Life Quotes And Sayings To Make You Laugh

by allinspiration.com

“That it will never come again is what makes life so sweet.”
– Emily Dickinson

“Life is just one damned thing after another.”
– Erbert Hubbard

“I have opinions of my own — strong opinions — but I don’t always agree with them.”
– George Bush

“Honesty may be the best policy, but it’s important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.”
– George Carlin

“If a man smiles all the time, he’s probably selling something that doesn’t work.”
– George Carlin

“The day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life.”
– George Carlin

“No one knows what’s next, but everybody does it.”
– George Carlin

“I think I am, therefore, I am. I think.”
– George Carlin

“Where there are no swamps there are no frogs.”
– German Proverb

“I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll be glad to make an exception.”
– Groucho Marx

“A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.”
– Groucho Marx

“Life is a constant oscillation between the sharp horns of dilemmas.”
– H. L. Mencken

“We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops. ”
– Henny Youngman

“Shall I not have intelligence with the earth? Am I not partly leaves and vegetable mould myself.”
– Henry David Thoreau

“Life is something that everyone should try at least once.”
– Henry J. Tillman

“Man has his will, but woman has her way.”
– Holmes

“Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They’re about to announce the lottery numbers.”
– Homer Simpson

“You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is ‘never try’.”
– Homer Simpson

“Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.”
– J.B. Morton

“Things turn out best for those who make the best of the way things turn out.”
– Jack Buck

“Everything has been figured out, except how to live.”
– Jean-Paul Sartre

“Life is like a Ferrari, it goes too fast. But that’s ok, because you can’t afford it anyway.”
– Jim Davis

“Marriage is give and take. You’d better give it to her or she’ll take it anyway.”
– Joey Adams

“In spite of the cost of living, it’s still popular.”
– Kathy Norris

“I told the Inland Revenue I didn’t owe them a penny because I lived near the seaside.”
– Ken Dodd

“The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you’re still a rat ”
– Lily Tomlin

“Nothing can confound a wise man more than laughter from a dunce.”
– Lord Byron

“Don’t go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.”
– Mark Twain

“Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.”
– Mark Twain

“If you tell the truth you don’t have to remember anything.”
– Mark Twain

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