Funny Life Quotes And Sayings To Make You Laugh

by allinspiration.com

“I am in my own little world but it’s okay they know me here.”
– Unknown

“Nothing in the known universe travels faster than a bad cheque.”
– Unknown

“Finally things will start clicking…your elbow, knees and back!”
– Unknown

“Confidence is the feeling you sometimes have before you fully understand the situation.”
– Unknown

“I don’t want to quit drinking because, as they say, winners never quit and quitters never win.”
– Unknown

“Life is so unlike theory.”
– Unknown

“Life is a terminal disease for which there is no vaccination.”
– Unknown

“Love thy neighbor. But don’t get caught.”
– Unknown

“Two wrongs don’t make a right, but two Wrights made an airplane.”
– Unknown

“Basically my wife was immature. I’d be in my bath and she’d come in and sink my boats.”
– Unknown

“Don’t knock on death’s door. Ring the doorbell and run! He hates that!”
– Unknown

“To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is half empty. To the project manager, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.”
– Unknown

“You may have DIALOG or MOBITEL connection, but when you sneeze, all you say is “HUTCH”"
– Unknown

“That would be a good thing for them to cut on my tombstone: Wherever she went, including here, it was against her better judgment.”
– Unknown

“Life is the only thing you can’t get out of alive.”
– Unknown

“It a funny thing about life; if you refuse to accept anything but the best, you very often get it.”
– W. Sommerset Morgan

“Never let yesterday use up too much of today.”
– Will Rogers

“Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save.”
– Will Rogers

“Common sense and a sense of humor are the same thing, moving at different speeds. A sense of humor is just common sense, dancing. ”
– William James

“Life is as tedious as a twice-told tale, Vexing the dull ear of a drowsy man.”
– William Shakespeare

“As he was valiant, I honor him. But as he was ambitious, I slew him.”
– William Shakespeare

“Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable.”
– Woody Allen

“Why are our days numbered and not, say, lettered?”
– Woody Allen

“You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred”
– Woody Allen

“Error, no keyboard. Press F1 to continue.”
– Woody Allen

“Marriage is like mushrooms: we notice too late if they are good or bad. ”
– Woody Allen

“Life doesn’t imitate art, it imitates bad television.”
– Woody Allen

“Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering – and it’s all over much too soon. ”
– Woody Allen

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