Funny New Year’s Resolutions For A Good Laugh

by allinspiration.com

“I will not yell expletives and develop road rage when a driver cuts me off, especially when I am driving my convertible.”

“I will play more computer games. Scientists say they’re good for me and improve my visual skills.”

“I will read the manual… just as soon as I can find it.”

“I will really work from home on my “work from home” days.”

“I will regularly wash my underwear. ”

“I will spend less money on buying useless stuff like this new DVD Rewinder I had ordered for Christmas.”

“I will spend less than one hour a day on the Internet. This, of course, will be hard to estimate since I’m not a clock watcher.”

“I will stop blaming the dryer for my clothes not fitting.”

“I will stop considering other people‘s feelings when they so obviously don’t consider mine – if that unwashed fellow sits next to me again, I’ll tell him he stinks!”

“I will stop hitting the “like” button just because I like the person who posted but not what they wrote.”

“I will stop saying,” Ooh, that feels nice” whenever the security guys frisk me at airports.”

“I will stop sending e-mail, ICQ, Instant Messages and be on the phone at the same time with the same person.”

“I will stop sending e-mails to my wife (husband).”

“I will stop sending Facebook messages and emails to my loved ones when they are in the same room as I am!”

“I will take less baths and showers to save water.”

“I will think of a password other than “password.”"

“I will treat my girlfriend better, I won’t make her carry all the groceries the next time we go to the market.”

“I will try to drive closer to the speed limit.”

“I will try to figure out why I *really* need nine e-mail addresses.”

“I will try to figure out why I really need ten e-mail addresses.”

“I will use my treadmill for something other than a place to hang my jacket.”

“I will watch more TV. It’s very educational. Catch up on all those programs you missed down the years.”

“I will work harder to find time to sleep more.”

“I won’t worry so much.”

“If you really like the person you’re hooking up with and would like them to be your boyfriend/ girlfriend, find a way to tell them, and hope for the best. If you don’t and wouldn’t, stop.”

“If you’re still blacking out regularly, you should stop.”

“Just for today, I will not sit in my living room all day in my nightdress. Instead, I will move my computer into the bedroom.”

“Keep my opinions to myself (yeah, right).”

“Kick the caffeine habit – hey, why does my over-sized coffee mug smell like sweaty socks?”

“Know which candidate you’re going to vote for in the upcoming presidential election, and know why.”

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