Funny Quotes From Anonymous Sources

by allinspiration.com

Here is a collection of funny quotes from various anonymous sources compiled by allinspiration.com for you to read and enjoy.

“The broccoli says ‘I look like a small tree’, the mushroom says ‘I look like an umbrella’, the walnut says ‘I look like a brain‘, and the banana says ‘Can we please change the subject?”
– Anonymous

“Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I’m tired of solving them for you.”
– Anonymous

“Everybody wants to go to heaven; but nobody wants to die.”
– Anonymous

“Sometimes when I close my eyes, I can’t see.’
– Anonymous

“Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?”
– Anonymous

“Happiness: The emotion that puts your face in motion. Fear: The emotion that puts your legs in motion. Anger: The emotion that puts your fist in motion. Lesson: Don’t be afraid or angry and you won’t have to run and fight.”
– Anonymous

“A zoology teacher asks the class ‘What is the one animal in the jungle that a lion is afraid of?’ The class answers: a lioness.”
– Anonymous

“In grammar class the teacher asks her student ‘When you sing you say ‘I sing’ what do you say when your brother is singing? I say ‘shut up you’re a terrible singer’.”
– Anonymous

“When someone doesn’t like something, it’s often because they’re not familiar with it, or they’re too familiar with it.”
– Anonymous

“Ever since it started snowing my husband is standing in front of the window and watching. If the snow gets much worse, I might let him inside the house.”
– Anonymous

“Why didn’t Bruce Willis play the lead role in Titanic? He would have saved everyone.”
– Anonymous

“Most of us don’t realize it, but we’re all part of something much bigger than ourselves, and we’re all connected in some way, not just through Facebook.”
– Anonymous

“Ladies and gentlemen thank you for flying xyz airlines, we hope you enjoyed your flight as much as we enjoyed taking your money. Please remember to take all your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among crew members.”
– Anonymous

“Love your enemies. It makes them so damned mad”
– Anonymous

“You can only be young once. But you can always be immature.”
– Anonymous

“Never let a fool kiss you, or a kiss fool you.”
– Anonymous

“He who laughs last didn’t get it.”
– Anonymous

“The road to success is always under construction.”
– Anonymous

“The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on.”
– Anonymous

“The most important thing in life is not knowing everything, it’s having the phone number of somebody who does!”
– Anonymous

“Friends come and go, but enemies remain and build up.”
– Anonymous

“You come into the world with nothing, and the purpose of your life is to make something out of nothing.”
– Anonymous

“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.”
– Anonymous

“It’s simple, if it jiggles, it’s fat.”
– Anonymous

“You never run out of things that can go wrong.”
– Anonymous

“Always remember you’re unique, just like everyone else.”
– Anonymous

“God heals, and the doctor takes the fees.”
– Anonymous

“An adult is a person who no longer grows in height, but instead grows in length and width.”
– Anonymous

“I was always taught to respect my elders and I’ve now reached the age when I don’t have anybody to respect.”
– Anonymous

“If there is a wrong way to do something, then someone will do it.”
– Anonymous

“Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?”
– Anonymous

“Constantly choosing the lesser of two evils is still choosing evil.”
– Anonymous

“There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.”
– Anonymous

“A joke is a very serious thing.”
– Anonymous

“We have to do the impossible, but it is possible.”
– Anonymous

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