Funny Quotes Or Sayings To Tickle You

by allinspiration.com

“It matters not whether you win or lose; what matters is whether I win or lose.”
– Steven Weinberg

“A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I’m afraid of widths.”
– Steven Wright

“A conclusion is the place where you get tired of thinking.”
– Steven Wright

“My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance.”
– Tim Allen

“I didn’t fall. The floor just needed a hug.”
– Unknown

“Everybody lies, but it doesn’t matter since nobody listens.”
– Unknown

“Nothing improves the memory more than trying to forget.”
– Unknown

“What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.”
– Unknown

“Smile: if you can’t lift the corners, let the middle sag.”
– Unknown

“Ten percent of something is better than 100% of nothing.”
– Unknown

“A tax is a fine for doing well, a fine is a tax for doing wrong.”
– Unknown

“Sarcasm helps keep you from telling people what you really think of them.”
– Unknown

“Learn from your parents’ mistakes – use birth control!”
– Unknown

“There are three types of people in this world: those who make things happen, those who watch things happen and those who wonder what happened.”
– Unknown

“I told my dad I stopped raising hell and he called me a quitter!”
– Unknown

“Keep talking, someday you’ll say something intelligent.”
– Unknown

“Promises are like babies…Fun to make but hell to deliver.”
– Unknown

“Some people are only alive because it is illegal to kill.”
– Unknown

“As pissed as a fart in a vacuum cleaner.”
– Unknown

“Everyone is gifted. Some open the package sooner.”
– Unknown

“A bird in hand is safer than one overhead.”
– Unknown

“Insanity is hereditary. You get it from your kids.”
– Unknown

“The number one cause of computer problems is computer solutions.”
– Unknown

“Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege.”
– Unknown

“No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.”
– Unknown

“A Person who can explain color to Blind Man can explain any thing In Life.”
– Unknown

“Where there’s a will, there are five hundred relatives.”
– Unknown

“Don’t brake until you see god, then brake like hell.”
– Unknown

“So many options for suicide: Poison, sleeping pills, hanging, jumping from a building, lying on train tracks, but we chose Marriage, slow but sure!”
– Unknown

“Wealthy people miss one of life’s greatest thrills . . . Making the last car payment.”
– Unknown

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