Funny Quotes To Make You Laugh

by allinspiration.com

“The quickest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it back in your pocket.”
– Will Rogers

“After one look at this planet any visitor from outer space would say “I WANT TO SEE THE MANAGER.”.”
– William S. Burroughs

“To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.”
– Wilson Mizner

“Yes, madam, I am drunk. But in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.”
– Winston Churchill

“A man falls in love through his eyes, a woman through her ears. ”
– Woodrow Wyatt

“I was nauseous and tingly all over… I was either in love or I had smallpox. ”
– Woody Allen

“To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering one must not love. But then one suffers from not loving. Therefore to love is to suffer, not to love is to suffer. To suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love. To be happy then is to suffer. But suffering makes one unhappy. Therefore, to be unhappy one must love, or love to suffer, or suffer from too much happiness. I hope you’re getting this down. ”
– Woody Allen

“Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don’t have a good partner, you’d better have a good hand.”
– Woody Allen

“A quick word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said “no”.”
– Woody Allen

“The towels were so thick there I could hardly close my suitcase.”
– Yogi Berra

“If you ask me anything I don’t know, I’m not going to answer.”
– Yogi Berra

“Nobody goes where the crowds are anymore. It’s too crowded.”
– Yogi Berra

“I never said most of the things I said.”
– Yogi Berra

“Girls have an unfair advantage over men: If they can’t get what they want by being smart, they can get it by being dumb.”
– Yul Brynner

“People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing – that’s why we recommend it daily.”
– Zig Ziglar

“A man in love is not complete until he is married. Then he is finished.”
– Zsa Zsa Gabor

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