Funny Retirement Quotes – Humor On Retiring And Retirees

by allinspiration.com

“Those who think they have no time for bodily exercise will sooner or later have to find time for illness.”
– Edward Stanley

“A retired husband is often a wife’s full-time job.”
– Ella Harris

“Retirement is the ugliest word in the language.”
– Ernest Hemingway

“Let’s spend all our money to buy cool stuff. Later we can sell it all on eBay to pay for our retirement.”
– from Glasbergen cartoon

“When men reach their sixties and retire, they go to pieces. Women go right on cooking.”
– Gail Sheehy

“You have to be a real clown not to have a financial plan and be saving for your retirement. Right? Not really, you would just be among the approximately 80% of Canadians who don’t have any sort of comprehensive financial plan, according to the Financial Planning Standards Council.”
– Garry Marr, writing in the Financial Post

“I’m now as free as the breeze – with roughly the same income.”
– Gene Perret

“In my retirement I go for a short swim at least once or twice every day. It’s either that or buy a new golf ball.”
– Gene Perret

“Retirement is wonderful. It’s doing nothing without worrying about getting caught at it.”
– Gene Perret

“Retirement: It’s nice to get out of the rat race, but you have to learn to get along with less cheese.”
– Gene Perret

“When you retire, you switch bosses – from the one who hired you to the one who married you.”
– Gene Perret

“Who knows whether in retirement I shall be tempted to the last infirmity of mundane minds, which is to write a book..”
– Geoffrey Fisher

“I’m very pleased to be here. Let’s face it, at my age I’m very pleased to be anywhere.”
– George Burns

“People ask me what I’d most appreciate getting for my eighty-seventh birthday. I tell them, a paternity suit.”
– George Burns

“Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples.”
– George Burns

“I don’t even think about a retirement program because I’m working for the Lord, for the Almighty. And even thought the Lord’s pay isn’t very high, his retirement program is, you might say, out of this world..”
– George Foreman

“The question isn’t at what age I want to retire, it’s at what income.”
– George Foreman

“The worst of work nowadays is what happens to people when they cease to work.”
– Gilbert K. Chesterton

“I do wish I could tell you my age but it’s impossible. It keeps changing all the time.”
– Greer Garson

“Don’t simply retire from something; have something to retire to.”
– Harry Emerson Fosdick

“A gold watch is the most appropriate gift for retirement, as its recipients have given up so many of their golden hours in a lifetime of service.”
– Harry Mahtar

“Don’t play too much golf. Two rounds a day are plenty.”
– Harry Vardon

“Youth would be an ideal state if it came a little later in life.”
– Herbert Asquith

“Rest is not idleness, and to lie sometimes on the grass under trees on a summer’s day, listening to the murmur of the water, or watching the clouds float across the sky, is by no means a waste of time.”
– J. Lubbock

“My only [retirement] advice is to lay off alcohol, tobacco, and wild women. Any can kill you.”
– James Biggs

“Something pretty… that’s just the surface. People worry so much about aging, but you look younger if you don’t worry about it.”
– Jeanne Moreau

“Adultery itself in its principle is many times nothing but a curious inquisition after, and envy of another man’s enclosed pleasures: and there have been many who refused fairer objects that they might ravish an enclosed woman from her retirement and single possessor..”
– Jeremy Taylor

“My retirement plan is to join the folks with the torches and pitchforks rioting and storming the Bastille.”
– Jim (ordaj), commenter on a Retirement Article

“Golf is played by twenty million mature American men whose wives think they are out having fun.”
– Jim Bishop

“Men in the uniform of Wall Street retirement: black Chesterfield coat, rimless glasses and the Times folded to the obituary page..”
– Jimmy Breslin

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