Funny Retirement Quotes – Humor On Retiring And Retirees

by allinspiration.com

“People may live as much retired from the world as they like, but sooner or later they find themselves debtor or creditor to some one.”
– Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe

“A man is not old until regrets take the place of dreams.”
– John Barrymore

“For solitude is sometimes best society, And short retirement urges sweet return.”
– John Milton

“Although it may not be a castle, [it is the] functional equivalent of a hotel room, a vacation and retirement home or a hunting and fishing cabin..”
– John Paul Stevens

“For retirement brings repose, and repose allows a kindly judgment of all things.”
– John Sharp Williams

“To be sure, retirement books are a glutted field, but most focus on money and financial planning. They view the finish line as the last day of employment. That’s where Ernie Zelinski’s How to Retire Happy, Wild, and Free begins.”
– Jonathan Chevreau, retirement columnist with the National Post

“Retirement is like a long vacation in Las Vegas. The goal is to enjoy it the fullest, but not so fully that you run out of money. ”
– Jonathan Clements

“Art is one of the few careers without a mandatory retirement age.”
– Julia Cameron

“Aging seems to be the only available way to live a long life.”
– Kitty O’Neill Collins

“A lot of our friends complain about their retirement. We tell ‘em to get a life.”
– Larry Laser

“Retire from work, but not from life..”
– M. K. Soni

“Men and women approaching retirement age should be recycled for public service work, and their companies should foot the bill. We can no longer afford to scrap-pile people..”
– Mahatma Gandhi

“Retirement kills more people than hard work ever did.”
– Malcolm Forbes

“Sooner or later I’m going to die, but I’m not going to retire.”
– Margaret Mead

“Not having to worry about money is almost like not having to worry about dying.”
– Mario Puzo

“Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.”
– Mark Twain

“Retirement requires the invention of a new hedonism, not a return to the hedonism of youth.”
– Mason Cooley

“Money is something you got to make in case you don’t die.”
– Max Asnas

“I’ve been attending lots of seminars in my retirement. They’re called naps.”
– Merri Brownworth

“Everyone who does not work has a scheme that does.”
– Munder’s Law

“I have made noise enough in the world already, perhaps too much, and am now getting old, and want retirement.”
– Napoleon Bonaparte

“Age-based retirement arbitrarily severs productive persons from their livelihood, squanders their talents, scars their health, strains an already overburdened Social Security system, and drives many elderly people into poverty and despair. Ageism is as odious as racism and sexism.”
– Norman Vincent Peale (American Protestant Clergyman and Writer, 1898-1993)

“You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.”
– Ogden Nash

“Men do not quit playing because they grow old; they grow old because they quit playing.”
– Oliver Wendell Holmes

“To retire is to die.”
– Pablo Casals

“My retirement plan is to find a shopping cart with good snow tires.”
– Patty Doyle

“The reason the pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can’t see him laughing.”
– Phyllis Diller

“Don’t underestimate the value of Doing Nothing, of just going along, listening to all the things you can’t hear, and not bothering.”
– Pooh‘s Little Instruction Book, inspired by A.A. Milne

“The bond between a man and his profession is similar to that which ties him to his country; it is just as complex, often ambivalent, and in general it is understood completely only when it is broken: by exile or emigration in the case of one’s country, by retirement in the case of a trade or profession..”
– Primo Levi

“When a man retires and time is no longer a matter of urgent importance, his colleagues generally present him with a watch.”
– R.C. Sherriff

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