Funny Retirement Quotes – Humor On Retiring And Retirees

by allinspiration.com

“Retired is being twice tired, I’ve thought first tired of working, then tired of not.”
– Richard Armour

“I really stay busy [in retirement]. I often have to cancel my golf games on the weekends to go play in tennis tournaments.”
– Richard Davies

“Waiting until your retirement party is too late to start planning your [retirement] portfolio.”
– Richard Wastcoat

“I don’t plan to grow old gracefully. I plan to have face-lifts until my ears meet.”
– Rita Rudner

“Except for an occasional heart attack I feel as young as I ever did.”
– Robert Benchley

“There are days in retirement that are the waking equivalent of a dreamless sleep, if you know what I mean.”
– Robert Brault

“The afternoon knows what the morning never suspected.”
– Robert Frost

“There are some who start their retirement long before they stop working..”
– Robert Half

“Don’t think of retiring from the world until the world will be sorry that you retire. I hate a fellow whom pride or cowardice or laziness drive into a corner, and who does nothing when he is there but sit and growl. Let him come out as I do, and bark.”
– Samuel Johnson

“It is better to live rich than to die rich.”
– Samuel Johnson

“The appearance and retirement of actors are the great events of the theatrical world; and their first performances fill the pit with conjecture and prognostication, as the first actions of a new monarch agitate nations with hope and fear.”
– Samuel Johnson

“How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you was?”
– Satchel Paige

“It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.”
– Scott Elledge

“Retirement without the love of letters is a living burial.”
– Seneca quotes

“I think I’m going into retirement. Any more babies coming from me are going to be keepers..”
– Shannon Boff

“The hardest people to convince they are at retirement age are children at bedtime.”
– Shannon Fife

“Retirement may be looked upon either as a prolonged holiday or as a rejection, a being thrown on to the scrap-heap.”
– Simone De Beauvoir

“There is a fountain of youth: it is your mind, your talents, the creativity you bring to your life and the lives of people you love. When you learn to tap this source, you will truly have defeated age.”
– Sophia Loren

“The key to retirement is to find joy in the little things.”
– Susan Miller

“Take when you retire, for example.”
– Talbot Boggs

“Sometimes it’s hard to tell if retirement is a reward for a lifetime of hard work or a punishment.”
– Terri Guillemets

“If you are going to throw a club, it is important to throw it ahead of you, down the fairway, so you don’t have to waste energy going back to pick it up.”
– Tommy Bolt

“A man is known by the company that keeps him on after retirement age.”
– Unknown

“A short retirement urges a sweet return.”
– Unknown

“Before deciding to take early retirement from your job, stay home a week and watch daytime television.”
– Unknown

“God‘s retirement plan is out of this world.”
– Unknown

“He or she who laughs last at the boss’s jokes probably isn’t far from retirement.”
– Unknown

“I have retired, unretired, and retired again all in the past 10 years. I find the biggest trouble with having NOTHING to do is . . . you can’t tell when you are done.”
– Unknown

“I retired early for health reasons my company was sick of me and I was sick of them.”
– Unknown

“I’m not retiring from life, just a job.”
– Unknown

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