Funny Retirement Quotes – Humor On Retiring And Retirees

by allinspiration.com

“I’m retired. You on the other hand have to go to work.”
– Unknown

“If my dreams could all come true paradise/retirement would be in a little bungalow somewhere by the sea.”
– Unknown

“It is not difficult to get away into retirement; and there live upon your own convictions; nor is it difficult to mix with men and follow their convictions; but to enter into the world; and there live firmly and fearlessly according to your own conscience; that is Christian greatness..”
– Unknown

“Retirement – Because you’ve given so much of yourself to the company that you don’t have anything left we can use.”
– Unknown

“Retirement life begins when the kids move out and the cat gets run over.”
– Unknown

“Retirement: When you quit working just before your heart does.”
– Unknown

“The best retirement for workaholics is no retirement at all.”
– Unknown

“The best time to start thinking about your retirement is before the boss does.”
– Unknown

“The money is no better in retirement but the hours are!”
– Unknown

“Uh oh. Half of my neighbors will have to develop a taste for cat food and dandelions. Hey dandelions are great and highly nutritious (just don’t eat the ones you’ve been spraying), as for cat food, I’d prefer to skip that dry stuff and just down the cat.”
– Unknown

“When you see how some people work you wonder what they will do in retirement…”
– Unknown

“You spend your whole life believing that you’re on the right track, only to discover you’re on the wrong train.”
– Unknown

“I’m retired. Goodbye tension. Hello pension!”
– Unknown

“The harder you work, the harder it is to surrender.”
– Vince Lombardi

“We have to thank God for this retirement.”
– Virgil (Ancient Roman Latin Poet and Author of the epic, Aeneid. 70 BC-19 BC)

“I advise you to go on living solely to enrage those who are paying your annuities. It is the only pleasure I have left.”
– Voltaire

“But one loses, as one grows older, something of the lightness of one’s dreams; one begins to take life up in both hands, and to care more for the fruit than the flower, and that is no great loss perhaps.”
– W.B. Yeats

“Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save.”
– Will Rogers

“Before you speak, listen. Before you write, think. Before you spend, earn. Before you invest, investigate. Before you criticize, wait. Before you pray, forgive. Before you quit, try. Before you retire, save. Before you die, give.”
– William A. Ward

“Retirement, we understand, is great if you are busy, rich, and healthy. But then, under those circumstances, work is great too.”
– William E Bill Vaughan (American Writer, b.1915)

“The only true retirement is that of the heart; the only true leisure is the repose of the passions. To such persons it makes little difference whether they are young or old; and they die as they have lived, with graceful resignation.”
– William Hazlitt (British Writer, best known for his humanistic essays. 1778-1830)

“Fear no more the heat o the sun, nor the furious winter’s rages. Thou thy worldly task hast done, home art gone and taken thy wages.”
– William Shakespeare

“Our life, exempt from public haunt, finds tongues in trees, books in the running brooks, sermons in stones, and good in everything.”
– William Shakespeare

“Golf is a day spent in a round of strenuous idleness.”
– William Wordsworth

“Another good thing about being poor is that when you are seventy your children will not have declared you legally insane in order to gain control of your estate.”
– Woody Allen

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