Funny Teacher Retirement Jokes

by allinspiration.com

Is a teacher retiring? Want to have a laugh? Here are some humorous teacher retirement jokes to lighten up the mood.

”The trouble with retirement is that you never get a day off.”
– Abe Lemons

“It was her last day before retiring and the kindergarten students wanted to give their teacher some gifts. The first student was son of the local nursery owner, and he handed her a package. Without opening it, the teacher said, “It’s flowers.” “Wow,” said the boy, “how did you know?” “Just guessing,” said the teacher.
The next student was the daughter of the local bakery. Without opening the box, the teacher said, “It’s cookies!” “Wow,” said the little girl, “how did you know?” “Just guessing,” said the teacher.
The third student was the son of the local pup. When he handed the box to the teacher, she noticed it was leaking a little. She put a drop of the liquid on her finger and tasted it and said, “It’s wine.” The little boy told her no. After several tastes and guesses, she finally says, “I give up.” At that point the little boy yells, “It’s a PUPPY!”
For the math teacher who is retiring, you could talk about how the teacher will no longer have to put up with attitude from students by telling the following teacher retirement joke: the teacher asks, “what’s two plus two?” A student answers, “four!” The teacher responds, “Yes four, that’s good!” The student retorts, “Good? That was perfect!”.”
– Anonymous

“Old teachers never die; they just grade away.”
– Anonymous

“Successful teachers are effective in spite of the psychological theories they suffer under.”
– Anonymous

“The challenge of retirement is how to spend time without spending money.”
– Anonymous

”He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle.”
– Author Unknown

”His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity.”
– Author Unknown

”I’m retired – goodbye tension, hello pension!”
– Author Unknown

”Retirement: World’s longest coffee break.”
– Author Unknown

”She got into the gene pool while the lifeguard wasn’t watching.”
– Author Unknown

”Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; but she only gargles.”
– Author Unknown

”Teachers are those who help us in resolving problems which, without them, we wouldn’t have.”
– Author Unknown

”Teaching is the profession that teaches all the other professions.”
– Author Unknown

”There are three good reasons to be a teacher – June, July, and August.”
– Author Unknown

”This man has delusions of adequacy.”
– Author Unknown

”This man is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.”
– Author Unknown

”When he opens his mouth, it seems that this is only to change whichever foot was previously in there.”
– Author Unknown

”You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.”
– Author Unknown

”Age is only a number, a cipher for the records. A man can’t retire his experience. He must use it. Experience achieves more with less energy and time.”
– Bernard M Baruch

”Human beings are the only creatures on earth that allow their children to come back home.”
– Bill Cosby

“Yes, I am thoroughly enjoying retirement! The best part is observing my neighbors drive off to work in the morning knowing that that their day will be filled with jerks, brainless and endless meetings, jerks, vendor lunches where you hold your breath just waiting for the sales pitch until you regurgitate your pasta, more jerks and the eventual company reorganization of the section that was just reorganized last month!”
– Bill Kalmar

”I’m an unemployed teacher right now and I’m looking for a place to teach. ”
– Bobby Knight

“Most people perform essentially meaningless work. When they retire that truth is borne upon them.”
– Brendan Francis

”Retirement must be wonderful. I mean, you can suck in your stomach for only so long.”
– Burt Reynolds

“One looks back with appreciation to the brilliant teachers, but with gratitude to those who touched our human feelings. The curriculum is so much necessary raw material, but warmth is the vital element for the growing plant and for the soul of the child.”
– Carl Jung

”There is life after retirement, and it is BETTER.”
– Catherine Pulsifers

”Gainfully unemployed, very proud of it, too.”
– Charles Baxter

”When a man retires, his wife gets twice the husband but only half the income.”
– Chi Chi Rodriguez

”But I was going to be a teacher my entire life, so I wasn’t counting on money to much.”
– Clay Aiken

“Teaching is the greatest act of optimism.”
– Colleen Wilcox

“I have never liked working. To me a job is an invasion of privacy.”
– Danny McGorty

“Like the truth, retirement can set you free. Or, like work, retirement can imprison you.”
– Ernie J. Zelinski

“The splendid thing about education is that everyone wants it. Like influenza, you can give it away without losing any of it yourself.”
– Evelyn Waugh

”I may forget my first crush in second grade but never my favorite teacher.”
– Fehl Dungo

“Smartness runs in my family. When I went to school I was so smart my teacher was in my class for five years.”
– Gracie Allen

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