Funny Teacher Retirement Jokes

by allinspiration.com

”There’s never enough time to do all the nothing you want.”
– Bill Watterson

”What do gardeners do when they retire?”
– Bob Monkhouse

”First you forget names; then you forget faces; then you forget to zip up your fly; and then you forget to unzip your fly.”
– Branch Rickey

“Viva la retirement, grab it by the horns and go for it.”
– Cheryl Marland

“If you are going to go broke before retirement, retire first.”
– Dave Erhard

”The greatest gifts you can give your children are the roots of responsibility and the wings of independence.”
– Denis Waitley

”If people concentrated on the really important things in life, there’d be a shortage of fishing poles.”
– Doug Larson

”Preparation for old age should begin not later than one’s teens. A life which is empty of purpose until 65 will not suddenly become filled on retirement.”
– Dwight L. Moody

“I mean to retire, where nobody will have heard about my special skills. And conversation is mainly about the weather.”
– Eiléan Ní Chuilleanáin

”A retired husband is often a wife’s full-time job.”
– Ella Harris

“Retirement is the ugliest word in the language.”
– Ernest Hemingway

“Let’s spend all our money to buy cool stuff. Later we can sell it all on eBay to pay for our retirement.”
– From Glasbergen cartoon

”When men reach their sixties and retire, they go to pieces. Women go right on cooking.”
– Gail Sheehy

”Retirement is wonderful. It’s doing nothing without worrying about getting caught at it.”
– Gene Perret

“Retirement: It’s nice to get out of the rat race, but you have to learn to get along with less cheese.”
– Gene Perret

”Retirement means no pressure, no stress, no heartache… unless you play golf.”
– Gene Perret

”I’m now as free as the breeze – with roughly the same income.”
– Gene Perret

”I enjoy waking up and not having to go to work. So I do it three or four times a day.”
– Gene Perret

”In my retirement I go for a short swim at least once or twice every day. It’s either that or buy a new golf ball.”
– Gene Perret

‘Retirement: That’s when you return from work one day and say, “Hi, Honey, I’m home – forever.””
– Gene Perret

”Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples.”
– George Burns

”Retire? I’m going to stay in show business until I’m the only one left.”
– George Burns

“The question isn’t at what age I want to retire, it’s at what income.”
– George Foreman

“I’m not just retiring from the company, I’m also retiring from my stress, my commute, my alarm clock, and my iron.”
– Hartman Jule

“Don’t act your age in retirement. Act like the inner young person you have always been.”
– J. A. West

“My only [retirement] advice is to lay off alcohol, tobacco, and wild women. Any can kill you.”
– James Biggs

”Never lose sight of this important truth, that no one can be truly great until he has gained a knowledge of himself, a knowledge which can only be acquired by occasional retirement.”
– Johann Georg Von Zimmermann

“After retirement, I still find each day too short for all the thoughts I want to think, all the walks I want to take, all the books I want to read, and all the friends I want to see.”
– John Burrough

”Retirement is like a long vacation in Las Vegas. The goal is to enjoy it the fullest, but not so fully that you run out of money.”
– Jonathan Clements

”A lot of our friends complain about their retirement. We tell ‘em to get a life. ”
– Larry Laser

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