Golf Sayings – Funny Or Inspiring Quotes

by allinspiration.com

“One minute you’re bleeding. The next minute you’re hemorrhaging. The next minute you’re painting the Mona Lisa.”
– Mac O’Grady

“Man blames fate for other accidents but feels personally responsible for a hole in one.”
– Martha Beckman

“Swinging at daisies is like playing electric guitar with a tennis racket: if it were that easy, we could all be Jerry Garcia. The ball changes everything.”
– Michael Bamberger

“The number of shots taken by an opponent who is out of sight is equal to the square root of the sum of the number of curses heard plus the number of swishes.”
– Michael Green

“Golf balls are attracted to water as unerringly as the eye of a middle-aged man to a female bosom.”
– Michael Green

“I’m not saying my golf game went bad, but if I grew tomatoes, they’d come up sliced.”
– Miller Barber and Lee Trevino

“If you want to take long walks, take long walks. If you want to hit things with sticks, hit things with sticks. But there’s no excuse for combining the two and putting the results on TV. Golf is not so much a sport as an insult to lawns.”
– National Lampoon

“John certainly gives it a good hit, doesn’t he? My Sunday best is a Wednesday afternoon compared to him.”
– Nick Faldo

“It is more satisfying to be a bad player at golf. The worse you play, the better you remember the occasional good shot.”
– Nubar Gulbenkian

“A golf course outside a big town serves an excellent purpose in that it segregates, as though a concentration camp, all the idle and idiot well-to-do.”
– Osbert Sitwell

“Golf, like the measles, should be caught young, for, if postponed to riper years, the results may be serious.”
– P.G. Wodehouse

“The least thing upset him on the links. He missed short putts because of the uproar of butterflies in the adjoining meadows.”
– P.G. Wodehouse

“After all, golf is only a game, said Millicent. Women say these things without thinking. It does not mean that there is a kink in their character. They simply don’t realise what they are saying.”
– P.G. Wodehouse

“Golf combines two favorite American pastimes: taking long walks and hitting things with a stick.”
– P.J. O’Rourke

“If there is any larceny in a man, golf will bring it out.”
– Paul Gallico

“Golf is a game in which you yell “fore,” shoot six, and write down five.”
– Paul Harvey

“Golf is essentially an exercise in masochism conducted out-of-doors.”
– Paul O’Neil

“If you wish to hide your character, do not play golf.”
– Percey Boomer

“One almost expects one of the players to peer into the monitor and politely request viewers to refrain from munching so loudly on cheese and crackers while the golfers are trying to reach the greens.”
– Pete Alfano

“The ardent golfer would play Mount Everest if somebody put a flagstick on top.”
– Pete Dye

“There is one thing in this world that is dumber than playing golf. That is watching someone else playing golf. What do you actually get to see? Thirty-seven guys in polyester slacks squinting at the sun. Doesn’t that set your blood racing?”
– Peter Andrews

“One of the most fascinating things about golf is how it reflects the cycle of life. No matter what you shoot – the next day you have to go back to the first tee and begin all over again and make yourself into something.”
– Peter Jacobsen

“Golf isn’t like other sports where you can take a player out if he’s having a bad day. You have to play the whole game.”
– Phil Blackmar

“The reason the pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can’t see him laughing.”
– Phyllis Diller

“Golf seems to me an arduous way to go for a walk. I prefer to take the dogs out.”
– Princess Anne of Great Britain

“They call it golf because all of the other four-letter words were taken.”
– Raymond Floyd

“Golf is the cruelest game, because eventually it will drag you out in front of the whole school, take your lunch money and slap you around.”
– Rick Reilly

“The trouble that most of us find with the modern matched sets of clubs is that they don’t really seem to know any more about the game than the old ones did.”
– Robert Browning

“It is almost impossible to remember how tragic a place this world is when one is playing golf.”
– Robert Lynd

“Golf is a game where white men can dress up as black pimps and get away with it.”
– Robin Williams

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