Hilarious Sayings And Quotes For Great Laughter

by allinspiration.com

Here is a collection of hilarious sayings and quotes from various authors, celebrities, famous persons, and other sources compiled by allinspiration.com for you to read and enjoy.

“Confidence is the sexiest thing a woman can have. It’s much sexier than any body part.”
– Aimee Mullins

“Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.”
– Albert Einstein

“Maybe this world is another planet’s hell.”
– Aldous Huxley

“TV has proved that people will look at anything rather than each other.”
– Ann Landers

“If women didn’t exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.”
– Aristotle Onassis

“To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first. And, whatever you hit, call it the target.”
– Ashleigh Brilliant

“Forgive me now – tomorrow I may no longer feel guilty.”
– Ashleigh Brilliant

“Without geography, you’re nowhere”
– Author Unknown

“It’s always darkest before the dawn. So if you’re going to steal your neighbor’s newspaper, that’s the time to do it.”
– Author Unknown

“Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.”
– Benjamin Franklin

“Three can keep a secret, if two of them are dead.”
– Benjamin Franklin

“Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.”
– Benjamin Franklin

“Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry.”
– Bill Cosby

“Be nice to nerds. Chances are you’ll end up working with one.”
– Bill Gates

“Mom & Pop were just a couple of kids when they got married. He was eighteen, she was sixteen and I was three.”
– Billie Holiday

“A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove you don’t need it.”
– Bob Hope

“It was a typically British birth… I was three at the time. They had a strike in the maternity ward… I came out in sympathy”
– Bob Hope

“My mother’s menu consisted of two choices: Take it or leave it.”
– Buddy Hackett

“Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.”
– Carl Gustav Jung

“All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height.”
– Casey Stengel

“Everybody talks about the weather, but nobody does anything about it.”
– Charles D. Warner

“If you resolve to give up smoking, drinking and loving, you don’t actually live longer; it just seems longer”
– Clement Freud

“Man with hole in pocket, feel cocky all day.”
– Confusious

“Cheese, wine, and a friend must be old to be good.”
– Cuban Proverb

“If it’s sent by ship then it’s a cargo, if it’s sent by road then it’s a shipment.”
– Dave Allen

“Avoid employing unlucky people. Throw half of the pile of CVs in the bin without reading them.”
– David Brent

“You’re not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.”
– Dean Martin

“That woman speaks eighteen languages, and can’t say No in any of them.”
– Dorothy Parker

“Accomplishing the impossible means only that the boss will add it to your regular duties.”
– Doug Larson

“The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don’t.”
– Douglas Adams

“The world is divided into people who do things–and people who get the credit.”
– Dwight Morrow

“Genius is more often found in a cracked pot than in a whole one.”
– E. B. White

“Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.”
– E. B. White

“For what is done or learned by one class of women becomes, by virtue of their common womanhood, the property of all women.”
– Elizabeth Blackwell

“I was the kid next door’s imaginary friend.”
– Emo Plillips

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