Humorous Quotes And Sayings To Make You Laugh

by allinspiration.com

“Always proof-read carefully to see if you any words out.”
– Unknown

“Crime doesn’t pay… does that mean my job is a crime?”
– Unknown

“Everyone has a right to be stupid. Some just abuse the privilege.”
– Unknown

“H lp! S m b d st l ll th v w ls fr m m k yb rd!”
– Unknown

“I don’t care who you are, Fatso. Get the reindeer off my roof!”
– Unknown

“I tried switching to gum but I couldn’t keep it lit.”
– Unknown

“I’m not as think as you drunk I am.”
– Unknown

“Statistics show every two minutes another statistic is created.”
– Unknown

“When you’re run down the best thing to take is the license number.”
– Unknown

“Why is it that when you transport something by car, it’s called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it’s called cargo?”
– Unknown

“You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes, why can’t they make the whole plane out of the same substance?”
– Unknown

“Don’t spend $2 to dry-clean a shirt. Donate it to the Salvation Army instead. They’ll clean it and put it on a hanger. Next morning buy it back for 75 cents”
– Unknown

“I bet living in a nudist colony takes all the fun out of Halloween.”
– Unknown

“What happens if you get scared half to death twice?”
– Unknown

“I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.”
– Unknown

“The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot. Now, the guy who invented the other three… he was the genius.”
– Unknown

“I’m normal. It’s everyone else that’s weird.”
– Unknown

“Evening news: Where they begin with ‘Good evening’, and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.”
– Unknown

“To make things simple…let’s automatically assume that everything I say is right.”
– Unknown

“If you think sex is a pain in the ass-you’re doing it wrong!”
– Unknown

“People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.”
– Unknown

“The worst thing about censorship is [deleted by censorship bureau].”
– Unknown

“Marriage is one of the chief causes of divorce.”
– Unknown

“A guy walked into a bar. He was treated for minor injuries.”
– Unknown

“The light at the end of a tunnel may be an oncoming train.”
– Unknown

“I’ve been seeing spots in front of my eyes.”
– Unknown

“Have you seen a doctor?”
– Unknown

“No, just spots.”
– Unknown

“I must be wishing on someone else’s star because it seems someone else is always getting what I wished for.”
– Unknown

“A wise man washes his hands after he pees. A wiser man doesn’t pee on his hands.”
– Unknown

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