More Cute Funny Sayings And Quotes

by allinspiration.com

“Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe and he’ll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint on it and he’ll have to touch it to be sure.”
– Murphy’s Law

“God did not intend religion to be an exercise club.”
– Naguib Mahfouz

“Love your enemies. It makes them so damned mad. ”
– P.D. East

“Always remember that true beauty comes from within – from within bottles, jars, compacts, and tubes. ”
– Peter’s Almanac

“I’m at an age when my back goes out more than I do.”
– Phyllis Diller

“Children really brighten up a household. They never turn the lights off. ”
– Ralph Bus.

“Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.”
– Robert A. Heinlein

“Drawing on my fine command of the English language, I said nothing.”
– Robert Benchley

“I have tried to know absolutely nothing about a great many things, and I have succeeded fairly well.”
– Robert Benchley

“Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I’m not there, I go to work. ”
– Robert Orben

“I found there was only one way to look thin, hang out with fat people.”
– Rodney Dangerfield

“I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.”
– Rodney Dangerfield

“A good sermon should be like a woman’s skirt: short enough to rouse the interest, but long enough to cover the essentials.” ”
– Ronald Knox

“If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.”
– Sam Levenson

“For your information, I would like to ask a question.”
– Samuel Goldwyn

“Women: Can’t live with them, can’t bury them in the backyard without the neighbors seeing. ”
– Sean Williamson

“I am the literary equivalent of a Big Mac and Fries.”
– Stephen King

“I intend to live forever. So far, so good.”
– Steven Wright

“A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I’m afraid of widths.”
– Steven Wright

“Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.”
– Steven Wright

“Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.”
– Steven Wright

“Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.”
– Steven Wright

“I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five.”
– Steven Wright

“I intend to live forever. So far, so good.”
– Steven Wright

“I like marriage. The idea.”
– Toni Morrison

Pages: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7

Follow this site