More Funny Inspirational Quotes And Sayings

by allinspiration.com

“The elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to use the stairs… one step at a time.”
– Joe Girard

“The most overlooked advantage to owning a computer is that if they foul up there’s no law against wacking them around a little.”
– Joe Martin

“A politician is a person who thinks twice before he says nothing.”
– Joe Moore

“Seven days without laughter make one weak.”
– Joel Goodman

“If you don’t run your own life, somebody else will.”
– John Atkinson

“A free lunch is only found in mousetraps.”
– John Capozzi

“Every time I paint a portrait I lose a friend.”
– John Singer Sargent

“A good listener is a good talker with a sore throat.”
– Katharine Whitehorn

“Anyone can be confident with a full head of hair. But a confident bald man – there’s your diamond in the rough.”
– Larry David

“A smiling face is half the meal.”
– Latvian Proverb

“When you reach for the stars, you may not quite get them, but you won’t come up with a handful of mud either.”
– Leo Burnett

“I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbor said “Are you going to help?” I said, “No, six should be enough.”"
– Les Dawson

“The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you’re still a rat.”
– Lilly Tomlin

“A friend in need is a friend to be avoided.”
– Lord Samuel

“I cannot afford to waste my time making money.”
– Louis Agassiz

“There is more to life than increasing its speed.”
– M. K. Gandhi

“If you’re going to be able to look back on something and laugh about it, you might as well laugh about it now.”
– Marie Osmond

“Always acknowledge a fault. This will throw those in authority off their guard and give you an opportunity to commit more.”
– Mark Twain

“Most writers regard truth as their most valuable possession, and therefore are most economical in its use.”
– Mark Twain

“The best way to cheer yourself is to cheer somebody else up.”
– Mark Twain

“The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightening and the lightening bug.”
– Mark Twain

“The trouble with jogging is that the ice falls out of your glass.”
– Martin Mull

“He who laughs lasts.”
– Mary P. Poole

“Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.”
– Mel Brooks

“My life has been filled with terrible misfortune; most of which never happened.”
– Montaigne

“If worry were an effective weight-loss program women would be invisible.”
– Nancy Drew

“The next best thing to winning is losing! At least you’ve been in the race.”
– Nellie Hershey Tullis

“Prediction is very difficult especially about the future.”
– Niels Bohr

“My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people.”
– Orson Welles

“The enemy of society is middle class and the enemy of life is middle age.”
– Orson Welles

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