More Funny Inspirational Quotes And Sayings

by allinspiration.com

“When you are down and out something always turns up – and it is usually the noses of your friends.”
– Orson Welles

“I envy people who drink. At least they have something to blame everything on.”
– Oscar Levant

“There’s a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line.”
– Oscar Levant

“I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying.”
– Oscar Wilde

“Laughing, how can you fall asleep? It brings a state of no-mind and no-thought, and does not allow you to fall asleep.”
– Osho

“If your cat falls out of a tree, go indoors to laugh.”
– Patricia Hitchcock

“I don’t have a bank account because I don’t know my mother’s maiden name.”
– Paula Poundstone

“These motivational tapes have really inspired me! I’m going to make a million dollars, buy my own company and retire early. Then, I’m going to write a novel and a symphony and give all the profits to charity. Then next month, I’ll figure out how to do it.”
– Randy Glassberger

“Here is a test to find whether your mission on earth is finished: If you’re alive it isn’t.”
– Richard Bach

“I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight.”
– Rita Rudner

“Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.”
– Robert A. Heinlein

“Never exaggerate your faults. Your friends will attend to that.”
– Robert C.Edwards

“By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day.”
– Robert Frost

“A person will sometimes devote all his life to the development of one part of his body; the wishbone.”
– Robert Frost

“Necessity may be the mother of invention, but play is certainly the father.”
– Roger von Oech

“The first rule of baseball is to get a good ball to hit.”
– Rogers Hornsby

“The toilets at a local police station have been stolen. Police say they have nothing to go on.”
– Ronnie Barker

“The best way to turn a woman’s head is to tell her she has a beautiful profile.”
– Sacha Guitry

“The only difference between a madman and myself is that I am not mad.”
– Salvidor Dali

“It’s so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and say the opposite.”
– Sam Levenson

“A penny will hide the biggest star in the universe if you hold it close enough to your eye.”
– Samuel Grafton

“The only thing that ever sat its way to success was a hen.”
– Sarah Brown

“Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in his shoes. That way if he gets angry, he will be a mile away and barefoot.”
– Sarah Jackson

“A successful man is one who can lay a firm foundation with the bricks that others throw at him.”
– Sidney Greenberg

“When anybody laughs, he has no mind, no thought, no problem, no suffering.”
– Sri H. W. L. Poonja

“First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me.”
– Steve Martin

“What’s another word for “thesaurus”?”
– Steven Wright

“You can’t have everything. Where would you put it?”
– Steven Wright

“Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think that’s how dogs spend their lives.”
– Sue Murphy

“He who laughs last is generally the last to get the joke.”
– Terry Cohen

Pages: 1 2 3 4 5

Follow this site