More Funny Short Sayings To Tickle You

by allinspiration.com

“I’m in shape … round’s a shape isn’t it?”
– Unknown

“I’m not paranoid! Which of my enemies told you this?”
– Unknown

“Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.”
– Unknown

“Dolphins: Don’t trust a species that’s always smiling, its up to something!”
– Unknown

“Hard work never hurt anyone, but why take the chance.”
– Unknown

“1st rule of intelligent tinkering – save all the parts.”
– Unknown

“I saw Elvis. He sat between me and Bigfoot on the UFO.”
– Unknown

“A compromise is an agreement whereby both parties get what neither of them wanted.  ”
– Unknown

“A gentleman is a man who can play the accordion but doesn’t.  ”
– Unknown

“Today is the last day of some of your life.  ”
– Unknown

“Without geography, you’re nowhere.  ”
– Unknown

“It’s always darkest before the dawn.  So if you’re going to steal your neighbor’s newspaper, that’s the time to do it.  ”
– Unknown

“I plan on living forever.  So far, so good.  ”
– Unknown

“Ability is what will get you to the top if the boss has no daughter.  ”
– Unknown

“And on the eighth day God said, “Okay, Murphy, you’re in charge!”  ”
– Unknown

“When somebody tells you nothing is impossible, ask him to dribble a football.  ”
– Unknown

“The chicken came first – God would look silly sitting on an egg.  ”
– Unknown

“The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.  ”
– Unknown

“A great name for a new country song:  If I’d Shot You Sooner, I’d Be Out of Jail by Now.  ”
– Unknown

“Just remember, if the world didn’t suck, we’d all fall off.  ”
– Unknown

“Who says nothing is impossible.  I’ve been doing nothing for years.  ”
– Unknown

“I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.  ”
– Unknown

“If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?  ”
– Unknown

“42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot”
– Unkown

“I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.”
– Whitney Brown

“An expert is a man who tells you a simple thing in a confused way in such a fashion as to make you think the confusion is your own fault.  ”
– William Castle

“I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals.”
– Winston Churchill

“The universe is merely a fleeting idea in God’s mind – a pretty uncomfortable thought, particularly if you’ve just made a down payment on a house.  ”
– Woody Allen

“Can we actually “know” the universe?  My God, it’s hard enough finding your way around in Chinatown.  ”
– Woody Allen

“Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought, particularly for people who can never remember where they have left things.”
– Woody Allen

“If you don’t know where you are going, you will wind up somewhere else!”
– Yogi Berra

“Thanks, you don’t look so hot yourself.” – after being told he looked cool.
– Yogi Berra 

“I’m in no condition to drive…wait! I shouldn’t listen to myself, I’m drunk!”
– Yogi Berra 

“I’m an excellent housekeeper. Every time I get a divorce, I keep the house.”
– Zsa Zsa Gabor 

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