More Humorous Quotes And Sayings To Tickle You

by allinspiration.com

“There is only one thing in the world worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about.”
– Oscar Wilde

“If my doctor told me I had only six minutes to live, I wouldn’t brood. I’d type a little faster.”
– Issac Asimov

“I have a high pain threshold. In fact, it’s more of a large and tastefully decorated foyer than a threshold. But I do get easily bored”
– Cassandra Clare

“My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people.”
– Orson Welles

“Some men are born mediocre, some men achieve mediocrity, and some men have mediocrity thrust upon them.”
– Joseph Heller

“April 1. This is the day upon which we are reminded of what we are on the other three hundred and sixty-four.”
– Mark Twain

“I’m tough, I’m ambitious, and I know exactly what I want. If that makes me a bitch, okay.”
– Madonna

“Most books on witchcraft will tell you that witches work naked. This is because most books on witchcraft were written by men.”
– Neil Gaiman

“Do you ever think if people heard our conversations they’d lock us up?”
– Wendy Mass

“You nicked-named my daughter after the Lock Ness Monster!”
– Stephanie Meyer

“Five exclamation marks, the sure sign of an insane mind.”
– Terry Pratchett

“Everyone looks retarded once you set your mind to it.”
– David Sedaris

“Disbelief in magic can force a poor soul into believing in government and business.”
– Tom Robbins

“Yes, reason has been a part of organized religion, ever since two nudists took dietary advice from a talking snake.”
– Jon Stewart

“When in danger or in doubt, run in circles, scream and shout”.
– Herman Wouk

“So what? All writers are lunatics!”
– Cornelia Funke

“I’m not waiting until my hair turns white to become patient and wise. Nope, I’m dying my hair tonight.”
– Jarod Kintz

“Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back and, instead of bleeding, he sings.”
– Robert Benchley

“I find out a lot about myself by sleeping. Dreams, they are who I am when I’m too tired to be me.”
– Jarod Kintz

“You should eat a waffle! You can’t be sad if you eat a waffle!”
– Lauren Myracle

“Touch her, and I’ll freeze your testicles off and put them in a jar. Understand?”
– Julie Kagawa

“The world is a stage and the play is badly cast.”
– Oscar Wilde

“Begin at the beginning,” the King said, very gravely, “and go on till you come to the end: then stop.”
– Lewis Caroll

“You are speaking of my future lover. Be more respectful.”
– Charlaine Harris

“I think I’ve discovered the secret of life — you just hang around until you get used to it.”
– Charles M. Schulz

“Well, that’s your opinion, isn’t it? And I’m not about to waste my time trying to change it.”
– Lady Gaga

“I don’t deserve any credit for turning the other cheek as my tongue is always in it.”
– Flannery O’ Connor

“It is forbidden to kill; therefore all murderers are punished unless they kill in large numbers and to the sound of trumpets.”
– Voltaire

“And next time you’re planning to injure yourself to get me attention, just remember that a little sweet talk works wonders.”
– Cassandra Clare

“I figured something out. The future is unpredictable.”
– John Green

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