More Humorous Quotes And Sayings To Tickle You

by allinspiration.com

“The worst part of success is trying to find someone who is happy for you.”
– Bette Midler

“It’s hard to enjoy practical jokes when your whole life feels like one.”
– Rick Riordan

“Sometimes you just have to pee in the sink.”
– Charles Bukowski

“People have an annoying habit of remembering things they shouldn’t.”
– Christopher Paolini

“There is nothing like puking with somebody to make you into old friends.”
– Sylvia Plath

“I am not absentminded. It is the presence of mind that makes me unaware of everything else.”
– G. K. Chesterton

“If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.”
– George Bernard Shaw

“MS. THOMPSON, it said in heavy block letters, PLEASE KEEP YOUR FELINE OFF MY PROPERTY. IF I SEE IT AGAIN, I WILL EAT IT.”
– Patricia Briggs

“I just can’t listen to any more Wagner, you know…I’m starting to get the urge to conquer Poland.”
– Woody Allen

“There are two kinds of people I don’t trust: people who don’t drink and people who collect stickers.”
– Chelsea Handler

“Wait. Why am I thinking about Krispy Kremes? We’re supposed to be exercising.”
– Meg Cabot

“If sex were shoes, I’d wear you out. But I wouldn’t wear you out in public.”
– Jarod Kintz

“I don’t do what I’m told, but I might do what you want if you ask me nicely.”
– Cassandra Clare

“Humor is almost always anger with its make-up on.”
– Stephen King

“May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.”
– George Carlin

“You can safely assume you’ve created God in your own image when it turns out that God hates all the same people you do.”
– Anne Lamott

“It would seem that you have no useful skill or talent whatsoever,” he said. “Have you thought of going into teaching?”
– Terry Pratchett

“Love is what you make it. Unfortunately, I can’t make it today, as I have a doctor’s appointment.”
– Jarod Kintz

“Don’t look at me in that tone of voice.”
– Dorothy Parker

“When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.”
– Mark Twain

“The voice of Love seemed to call to me, but it was a wrong number.”
– P.G. Wodehouse

“I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy.”
– Steve Martin

“Carpe Scrotum. Seize life by the testicles”
– Rowena Cherry

“Do you know what breakfast cereal is made of? It’s made of all those little curly wooden shavings you find in pencil sharpeners!”
– Roald Dahl

“The way I wrestle five-year-olds makes me think if I were ever attacked by a pack of midgets, I’d be OK.”
– Jarod Kintz

“I like men who have a future and women who have a past.”
– Oscar Wilde

“As long as there was coffee in the world, how bad could things be?”
– Cassandra Clare

“When a girl says she wants to be friends with benefits, I always ask if that includes dental insurance.”
– Jarod Kintz

“Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.”
– George Carlin

“I do this real moron thing, and it’s called thinking. And apparently I’m not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions.”
– George Carlin

Pages: 1 2 3 4 5

Follow this site