More Witty Sayings And Quotes

by allinspiration.com

Here is another collection of witty sayings and quotes from various authors, celebrities, famous persons, and other sources compiled by allinspiration.com for you to read and enjoy. Savor the humor and have a good laugh!

“A free society is a place where it’s safe to be unpopular.”
– Adlai Stevenson

“Television has brought back murder into the home – where it belongs.”
– Alfred Hitchcock

“Television has proved that people will look at anything rather than each other.”
– Ann Landers

“If it weren’t for the last minute, nothing would get done.”
– Anonymous

“The best way to succeed in life is to act on the advice we give to others.”
– Anonymous

“It usually takes a long time to find a shorter way.”
– Anonymous

“Never argue with a fool. Someone watching may not be able to tell the difference.”
– Anonymous

“The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits.”
– Anonymous

“Every man is the architect of his own fortune.”
– Appius Claudius

I have a love interest in every one of my films – a gun.
– Arnold Schwarzenegger

“Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.”
– Benjamin Franklin

“I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.”
– Bertrand Russell

“Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry.”
– Bill Cosby

“Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope.”
– Bill Cosby

“Human beings are the only creatures on earth that allow their children to come back home.”
– Bill Cosby

“A James Cagney love scene is one where he lets the other guy live.”
– Bob Hope

“I love to go to Washington – if only to be near my money.”
– Bob Hope

“I have never been hurt by what I have not said.”
– Calvin Coolidge

“All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height.”
– Casey Stengel

“He would make a lovely corpse.”
– Charles Dickens

“Parrots make great pets. They have more personality than goldfish.”
– Chevy Chase

“Better to light a candle than to curse the darkness”
– Chinese Proverb

“The four building blocks of the universe are fire, water, gravel and vinyl.”
– Dave Barry

“I used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass.”
– David Lee Roth

“I rant, therefore I am.”
– Dennis Miller

“Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.”
– Don Marquis

“The two basic items necessary to sustain life are sunshine and coconut milk.”
– Dustin Hoffman

“I was sleeping the other night, alone, thanks to the exterminator.”
– Emo Philips

“My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing.”
– Emo Philips

“Never have more children than you have car windows.”
– Erma Bombeck

“Food is an important part of a balanced diet.”
– Fran Lebowitz

“TV is chewing gum for the eyes.”
– Frank Lloyd Wright

“California is a fine place to live – if you happen to be an orange.”
– Fred Allen

“I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.”
– Fred Allen

“Television is a medium because anything well done is rare.”
– Fred Allen

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