Random Quotes And Sayings On Various Topics

by allinspiration.com

Here is a collection of random quotes and sayings on different subjects from various authors, celebrities, famous persons, and other sources compiled by allinspiration.com for you to read and enjoy.

“Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student. At least they can find Afghanistan.”
– A. Whitney Brown

“If you awaken from this illusion, and you understand that black implies white, self implies other, life implies death – or shall I say, death implies life – you can conceive yourself.”
– Alan Watts

“If we knew what we were doing, it wouldn’t be called research.”
– Albert Einstein

“Fornicate and take drugs against the terrible strain of idiots who govern the world.”
– Albert Szent-Gyorgyi

“It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it.”
– Aristotle

“I discovered I scream the same way whether I’m about to be devoured by a Great White or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.”
– Axel Rose

“I hate to fly . . . Every time I get off a plane, I view it as a failed suicide attempt.”
– Barry Sonnefeld

“The tragedy of this life is not failure, but low aim.”
– Benjamin Mays

“One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one’s work is terribly important.”
– Bertrand Russell

“Some would sooner die than think. In fact, they often do.”
– Bertrand Russell

“I am not the boss of my house. I don’t know when I lost it. I don’t know if I ever had it. But I have seen the boss’s job and I do not want it.”
– Bill Cosby

“Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.”
– Billy Crystal

“In high school, I was the class comedian as opposed to the class clown. The difference is, the class clown is the guy who drops his pants at the football game, the class comedian is the guy who talked him into it.”
– Billy Crystal

“Relationships are hard. It’s like a full time job, and we should treat it like one. If your boyfriend or girlfriend wants to leave you, they should give you two weeks’ notice. There should be severance pay, and before they leave you, they should have to find you a temp.”
– Bob Ettinger

“When I told my friends I was going to be a comedian, they laughed at me.”
– Carrot Top

“How can anyone govern a nation that has 240 different kinds of cheese?”
– Charles de Gaulle

“A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: Duh.”
– Conan O’Brien

“Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you’re in.”
– Courtney Cox

“When fate hands us a lemon let’s try to make lemonade.”
– Dale Carnegie

“My cousin just died. He was only 19. He got stung by a bee… the natural enemy of a tightrope walker.”
– Dan Rather

“If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant’s life, she will choose to save the infant’s life without even considering if there is a man on base.”
– Dave Barry

“You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look that says, ‘My God, you’re right! I never would’ve thought of that!”
– Dave Barry

“As sensitive and broad-minded humans, we must never allow ourselves to be in any way judgmental of the religious practices of other people, even when these people clearly are raving space loons”
– Dave Barry

“If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving a baby‘s life, she will choose to save the infant’s life without even considering if there are men on base.”
– Dave Barry

“If you think education is expensive, try ignorance.”
– Derek Bok

“If your parents never had children, chances are you won’t either.”
– Dick Cavett

“A genius is a man who can rewrap a new shirt and not have any pins left over.”
– Dino Levi

“I’m not offended by dumb blonde jokes because I know that I’m not dumb. I also know I’m not blonde.”
– Dolly Parton

“You’d be surprised how much it costs to look this cheap!”
– Dolly Parton

“There are still places where people think that the function of the media is to provide information.”
– Don Rottenberg

“Oh, you hate your job? Why didn’t you say so? There’s a support group for that. It’s called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar.”
– Drew Carey

“Do not go gentle into that long, dark night but rage, rage against the dying of the light.”
– Dylan Thomas

“We have women in the military, but they don’t put us in the front lines. They don’t know if we can fight, if we can kill. I think we can. All the general has to do is walk over to the women and say, ‘You see the enemy over there? They say you look fat in those uniforms.”
– Elayne Boosler

“A month in the laboratory can often save an hour in the library.”
– F. H. Westheimer

“When you’re swimming in the creek, And an eel bites your cheek, That’s a moray.”
– Fabulous Furry Freak Bros.

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