Short Funny Sayings For Quick Laughs

by allinspiration.com

Here is a collection of short funny sayings from various authors, celebrities, famous persons, and other sources compiled by allinspiration.com for you to read and enjoy.

“Don’t be so humble—you are not that great.”
– Alicia Silverstone on her film ‘clueless’

“If all the world’s a stage, I want to operate the trap door.”
– Alicia Silverstone on her film ‘clueless’

“Love is temporary insanity curable by marriage”
– Ambrose Bierce

“We only need to wear shoes because the British built roads which hurt our feet.”
– Anthony Burgess

“She’s the kind of girl who climbed the ladder of success wrong by wrong.”
– Arnold Schwarzenegger

“Without fools the rest of us could not succeed.”
– Arnold Schwarzenegger

“Is your refrigerator running? Well if so you better go catch it.”
– Bailey

“Most people would die sooner than think; in fact, they do.”
– Bertrand Russell

“The surest sign of intelligent life in the universe is that they haven’t attempted to contact us.”
– Bill Watterson

“As I get older, I just prefer to knit.”
– Britney Spears

“As pissed as a fart in a vacuum cleaner.”
– Britney Spears

“Television? The word is half Latin and half Greek. No good can come of it.”
– Brooke Shields

“There are three types of people in this world: those who make things happen, those who watch things happen and those who wonder what happened.”
– Brooke Shields

“As a child my family‘s menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.”
– Buddy Hackett

“He who laughs last didn’t get the joke.”
– Charles de Gaulle

“How can you govern a country which has 246 varieties of cheese?”
– Charles de Gaulle

“Since a politician never believes what he says, he is surprised when others believe him.”
– Charles de Gaulle

“The better I get to know men, the more I find myself loving dogs.”
– Charles de Gaulle

“I can be your best friend or your worst enemy. You seem to prefer the latter.”
– Charles de Gaulle

“I love people; it’s mankind I can’t stand.”
– Charles Schulz

“By the time a man realizes that maybe his father was right, he usually has a son who thinks he’s wrong.”
– Charles Wadsworth

“The comparison of subways and sandwiches is a bit of an old joke for us now.”
– Charlotte Cooper

“There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.”
– Chris Rock

“I don’t believe in the after-life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.”
– Christina Aguilera

“Some people are only alive because it is illegal to kill.”
– Christina Aguilera

“The first half of our lives is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children”
– Clarence Darrow

“This is my rule of married life: it’s better to be happy than to be right.”
– Click & Clack, the Tappet Brothers

“My husband said he needed more space. So I locked him outside.”
– Cynthia Walker McCullough

“There’s a price you pay for chewing your mouth so fast, you tongue is at risk!”
– Dani

“Education is learning what you didn’t even know you didn’t know.”
– Daniel J. Boorstin

“If you are bad. Then I am your dad.”
– Dhwani pandit

“A bird in hand is safer than one overhead.”
– Donald Rumsfeld

“To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.”
– Donald Rumsfeld

“From there to here, from here to there, funny things are everywhere!”
– Dr. Seuss

“Middle age is when your broad mind and narrow waist begin to change places.”
– E. Joseph Cossman

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