Short Funny Sayings For Quick Laughs

by allinspiration.com

“I’m just a person trapped inside a woman’s body.”
– Elayne Boosler

“Romance often begins by a splashing waterfall and ends over a leaky sink.”
– Ellen DeGeneres

“What did the letter O say to Q? Dude, your dikk is hanging out.”
– Ellen DeGeneres

“I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.”
– Erma Bombeck

“You are what you eat. Avoid nuts.”
– Food Derick makuu

“A bachelor’s life is a fine breakfast, a flat lunch, and a miserable dinner.”
– Francis Bacon

“A celebrity is someone who works hard all his life to become known and then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized”
– Fred Allen

“When life gives you melons… you might be dyslexic!”
– Funny Life Saying

“love is like a war; easy to start but hard to end and you never know where it might take you”
– Funny Love Saying

“Some people live upside down. They like to talk out their ass and the only thing that comes outta their mouth is shit.”
– Funny Sayings

“Chess is mental torture.”
– Gary Kasparov

“Do not try to live for ever. You will not succeed.”
– George Bernard Shaw

“Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close knit family in another city”
– George Burns

“I don’t have a drinking problem. I drink. I get drunk. I fall down, no problem.”
– George Burns

“I exercise strong self-control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.”
– George Burns

“Love is blind, but marriage restores its sight.”
– George Lichtenberg

“Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them.”
– George W. Bush

“Men are like bank accounts. Without a lot of money they don’t generate a lot of interest.”
– George W. Bush

“All writers should be put in a box and thrown in the sea.”
– Gordon B. Hinckley

“Never have children, only grandchildren.”
– Gore Vidal

“If I’m not back in five minutes… wait longer!”
– H. L. Mencken

“Love is photogenic. It needs darkness room to develop,”
– H. L. Mencken

“All power corrupts, but we need electricity.”
– Haythum R. Khalid

“He who laughs last didn’t get it.”
– Helen Giangregorio

“A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.”
– Helen Rowland

“One man’s folly is another man’s wife.”
– Helen Rowland

“You can’t buy love, but you can pay heavily for it”
– Henny Youngman

“Books are not made for furniture, but there is nothing else that so beautifully furnishes a house.”
– Henry Ward Beecher

“Bart, with $10,000, we’d be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like…love!”
– Homer Simpson

“If you really want something in this life, you have to work for it – now be quiet, they’re about to announce the lottery numbers!”
– Homer Simpson

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