Short Funny Sayings For Quick Laughs

by allinspiration.com

“The complete fool is half prophet.”
– Unknown

“The discovery of a wine is of greater moment than the discovery of a constellation. The universe is too full of stars.”
– Unknown

“They keep saying the right person will come along, I think mine got hit by a truck.”
– Unknown

“You are getting old when you enjoy remembering things more than doing them.”
– Unknown

“Bachelors think that ‘marriage‘ is a word. Married people know that it’s actually a sentence.”
– VVL Raju

“Common sense ain’t common.”
– Will Rogers

“I have a mind like a steel trap. Stuff gets in there and WHAM! it never gets back out again.”
– Will Rogers

“Sometimes people deserve a high five, in the face, with a chair.”
– Will Rogers

“The tools I need for my work are paper, tobacco, food, and a little whiskey.”
– William Faulkner

“War and drink are the two things man is never too poor to buy.”
– William Faulkner

“The first thing we do, let’s kill all the lawyers.”
– William Shakespeare

“Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn’t, they’d be married too.”
– Woody Allen

“I am not afraid of death, I just don’t want to be there when it happens.”
– Woody Allen

“My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you’re ugly too.”
– Woody Allen

“As an explosive tester I love my job. One day while starting to defuse the bomb my best friend and I started to laugh. He laughed because he thought it was fun, I laughed because I had no idea what I was doing.”
– zen master

“He taught me housekeeping; when I divorce I keep the house.”
– Zsa Zsa Gabor

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