Simpsons Quotes And Sayings

by allinspiration.com

“Homer: How is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive?”

“Homer: Homer no function beer well without.”

“Duffman: Duffman can’t breathe! OH NO!”

“Grandpa Simpson: Dear Mr. President, There are too many states nowadays. Please, eliminate three. P.S. I am not a crackpot.”

“Homer: Old people don’t need companionship. They need to be isolated and studied so it can be determined what nutrients they have that might be extracted for our personal use.”

“Troy McClure: Hi. I’m Troy McClure. You may remember me from such self-help tapes as Smoke Yourself Thin and Get Some Confidence, Stupid!”

“Homer: A woman is a lot like a refrigerator. Six feet tall, 300 pounds…it makes ice.”

“Homer: Son, a woman is like a beer. They smell good, they look good, you’d step over your own mother just to get one! But you can’t stop at one. You wanna drink another woman!”

“Homer: Facts are meaningless. You could use facts to prove anything that’s even remotely true!”

“Mr. Burns: I’ll keep it short and sweet — Family. Religion. Friendship. These are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business.”

“Kent Brockman: …And the fluffy kitten played with that ball of string all through the night. On a lighter note, a Kwik-E-Mart clerk was brutally murdered last night.”

“Ralph: Mrs. Krabappel and Principal Skinner were in the closet making babies and I saw one of the babies and then the baby looked at me.”

“Apu: Please do not offer my god a peanut.”

“Homer: You don’t win friends with salad.”

“Mr. Burns: I don’t like being outdoors, Smithers. For one thing, there’s too many fat children.”

“Sideshow Bob: Attempted murder? Now honestly, what is that? Do they give a Nobel Prize for attempted chemistry?”

“Chief Wiggum: They only come out in the night. Or in this case, the day.”

“Mr. Burns: Whoa, slow down there, maestro. There’s a *New* Mexico?”

“Homer: He didn’t give you gay, did he? Did he?!”

“Comic Book Guy: But, Aquaman, you cannot marry a woman without gills. You’re from two different worlds… Oh, I’ve wasted my life.”

“Homer: Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen.”

“Superintendent Chalmers: I’ve had it with this school, Skinner. Low test scores, class after class of ugly, ugly children…”

“Mr. Burns: What good is money if it can’t inspire terror in your fellow man?”

“Homer: Oh, everything looks bad if you remember it.”

“Ralph: Slow down, Bart! My legs don’t know how to be as long as yours.”

“Homer: Donuts. Is there anything they can’t do?”

“Frink: Brace yourselves gentlemen. According to the gas chromatograph, the secret ingredient is… Love!? Who’s been screwing with this thing?”

“Apu: Yes! I am a citizen! Now which way to the welfare office? I’m kidding, I’m kidding. I work, I work.”

“Milhouse: We started out like Romeo and Juliet, but it ended up in tragedy.”

“Mr. Burns: A lifetime of working with nuclear power has left me with a healthy green glow…and left me as impotent as a Nevada boxing commissioner.”

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