Simpsons Quotes And Sayings

by allinspiration.com

“Homer: Kids, kids. I’m not going to die. That only happens to bad people.”

“Milhouse: Look out, Itchy! He’s Irish!”

“Homer: I’m going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won’t be back for ten minutes!”

“Smithers: I’m allergic to bee stings. They cause me to, uh, die.”

“Barney: Aaah! Natural light! Get it off me! Get it off me!”

“Principal Skinner: That’s why I love elementary school, Edna. The children believe anything you tell them.”

“Sideshow Bob: Your guilty consciences may make you vote Democratic, but secretly you all yearn for a Republican president to lower taxes, brutalize criminals, and rule you like a king!”

“Barney: Jesus must be spinning in his grave!”

“Superintendent Chalmers: Thank the Lord? That sounded like a prayer. A prayer in a public school. God has no place within these walls, just like facts don’t have a place within an organized religion.”

“Mr. Burns: [answering the phone] Ahoy hoy?”

“Comic Book Guy: Oh, a *sarcasm* detector. Oh, that’s a *really* useful invention!”

“Marge: Our differences are only skin deep, but our sames go down to the bone.”

“Homer: What’s the point of going out? We’re just going to wind up back here anyway.”

“Marge: Get ready, skanks! It’s time for the truth train!”

“Bill Gates: I didn’t get rich by signing checks.”

“Principal Skinner: Fire can be our friend; whether it’s toasting marshmallows or raining down on Charlie.”

“Homer: Oh, I’m in no condition to drive. Wait a minute. I don’t have to listen to myself. I’m drunk.”

“Homer: And here I am using my own lungs like a sucker.”

“Comic Book Guy: Human contact: the final frontier.”

“Homer: I hope I didn’t brain my damage.”

“Krusty the Clown: And now, in the spirit of the season: start shopping. And for every dollar of Krusty merchandise you buy, I will be nice to a sick kid. For legal purposes, sick kids may include hookers with a cold.”

“Homer: I’m a Spalding Gray in a Rick Dees world.”

“Dr. Nick: Inflammable means flammable? What a country.”

“Homer: Beer. Now there’s a temporary solution.”

“Comic Book Guy: Stan Lee never left. I’m afraid his mind is no longer in mint condition.”

“Nelson: Shoplifting is a victimless crime. Like punching someone in the dark.”

“Krusty the Clown: Kids, we need to talk for a moment about Krusty Brand Chew Goo Gum Like Substance. We all knew it contained spider eggs, but the hantavirus? That came out of left field. So if you’re experiencing numbness and/or comas, send five dollars to antidote, PO box…”

“Milhouse: I can’t go to juvie. They use guys like me as currency.”

“Homer: Son, when you participate in sporting events, it’s not whether you win or lose: it’s how drunk you get.”

“Homer: I like my beer cold, my TV loud and my homosexuals flaming.”

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