Some Funny Valentine’s Day Jokes

by allinspiration.com

“Q: How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend? A: He gave her a ring.”

“Q: If your aunt ran off to get married, what would you call her? A: Antelope.”

“Q: What did one pickle say to the other? A: You mean a great dill to me.”

“Q: What did one snake say to the other snake? A: Give me a little hug and a hiss, honey.”

“Q: What did the boy octopus say to the girl octopus? A: Can I hold your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand?”

“Q: What did the caveman give his wife on Valentine’s Day? A: Ughs and kisses!”

“Q: What did the chocolate syrup say to the ice cream? A: “I’m sweet on you!”"

“Q: What did the elephant say to his girlfriend? A: I love you a ton!”

“Q: What did the light bulb say to the switch? A: You turn me on.”

“Q: What did the octopus say to his girlfriend when he proposed? A: Can I have your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand in marriage?”

“Q: What did the painter say to her boyfriend? A; “I love you with all my art!”"

“Q: What did the paper clip say to the magnet? A: I find you very attractive.”

“Q: What did the pencil say to the paper? A: I dot my i’s on you!”

“Q: What did the stamp say to the envelope on Valentine’s Day? A: I’m stuck on you!”

“Q: What do farmers give their wives on Valentine’s Day? A: Hogs and Kisses!”

“Q: What do squirrels give for Valentine’s Day? A: Forget-me-nuts.”

“Q: What do you call a very small Valentine? A: A Valentiny!”

“Q: What happens when you fall in love with a French chef? A: You get buttered up.”

“Q: What is a ram’s favorite song on February 14th? A: I only have eyes for ewe, dear”

“Q: What is a vampire’s sweetheart called? A: His ghoul-friend.”

“Q: What is the difference between a calendar and you? A: A calendar has a date on Valentine’s day. ”

“Q: What kind of flowers do you never give on Valentine’s Day? A: Cauliflowers!”

“Q: What travels around the world but stays in one corner? A: A stamp.”

“Q: Why did the banana go out with the prune? A: Because it couldn’t get a date.”

“Q: Why did the banana go out with the prune? A: Because it couldn’t get a date.”

“Q: Why did the boy have his girlfriend put in jail? A: She stole his heart.”

“Q: Why did the boy put candy under his pillow? A: Because he wanted sweet dreams.”

“Q: Why is lettuce the most loving vegetable? A: Because it’s all heart.”

“Q: Why is Valentine’s Day the best day for a celebration? A: Because you can really party hearty!”

“Roger, who was 19 years old, was buying an expensive bracelet, to surprise his girlfriend on Valentine’s Day, and was discussing his needs with the jeweler at Tiffany’s. The jeweler inquired, ‘Would you like your girlfriend’s name engraved on it?’ Roger thought for a moment, grinned, then answered, ‘No, instead engrave “To my one and only love”.’ The jeweler smiled and said, ‘Yes, sir; how very romantic of you.’ Roger retorted with a glint in his eye, ‘Not exactly romantic, but very practical. This way, if we break up, I can use it again.’”

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