Valentine Humor For A Good Laugh

by allinspiration.com

“Love is much nicer to be in than an automobile accident, a tight girdle, a higher tax bracket, or a holding pattern over Philadelphia.”
– Judith Viorst

“People call it Valentines Day, I call it Tuesday.”
– Lil Wayne

“How do I measure
The love I have for you?
I thought, while idly watching
A sparrow sippin’ dew
And as I pondered thoughtfully
I gave my head a rub
And then I thought “Oh sod it
I’m going to the pub!”"
– Liz

“Without love, what are we worth? Eighty-nine cents! Eighty-nine cents worth of chemicals walking around lonely.”
– M*A*S*H, Hawkeye

“No one is sure why it happens, but I heard it has something to do with how you smell … That’s why perfume and deodorant are so popular.”
– Mae, age 9

“I think you’re supposed to get shot with an arrow or something, but the rest of it isn’t supposed to be so painful.”
– Manuel, age 8

“One of you should know how to write a check. Because, even if you have tons of love, there is still going to be a lot of bills.”
– Manuel, age 8

“We don’t believe in rheumatism and true love until after the first attack.”
– Marie Ebner Von Eschenback

“When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.”
– Mark Twain

“The person is thinking: Yeah, I really do love him. But I hope he showers at least once a day.”
– Michelle, age 9

“Absence: that common cure of love.”
– Miguel De Cervantes

“A kiss can be a comma, a question mark or an exclamation point. That’s basic spelling that every woman ought to know.”
– Mistinguette

“Love is being stupid together.”
– Paul Valery

“What the world really needs is more love and less paper work.”
– Pearl Bailey

“I love you like crazy, baby ‘Cuz I’d go crazy without you.”
– Pixie Foudre

“I’m not rushing into being in love. I’m finding fourth grade hard enough.”
– Regina, age 10

“Anyone can be passionate, but it takes real lovers to be silly.”
– Rose Franken

“Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.”
– Samuel Johnson

“Come live in my heart and pay no rent.”
– Samuel Lover

“Romantic adults usually are all dressed up, so if they are just wearing jeans it might mean they used to go out or they just broke up.”
– Sarah, age 9

“Honey, I Got Your Curly Hair and Your Nintendo on My Mind.”
– Sharon, age 9

The great question, which I have not been able to answer is, “What does a woman want?”
– Sigmund Freud

“Don’t be surprised
if you see a little naked guy
with a bow and arrow
running around your neighbourhood.
My weird Uncle Henry
is loose again.

Happy Valentine’s Day”
– Unknown

“It’s Valentine’s Day -
that time of year
when we are
once again reminded
of the grand,
old difference between
men and women.
Women are better.

Happy Valentine’s Day”
– Unknown

“Happy Valentine’s Day
to my first husband.
That’s just to keep
you on your toes!”
– Unknown

“This Valentine’s Day
I thought we would have
some good clean fun.
Meet me in the tub.”
– Unknown

“Happy Valentine’s Day
…and now I’m going to say something
that will make you feel ecstatic…
You have a chocolate deficiency.”
– Unknown

“This Valentine’s Day
let’s not spend a fortune
on gifts for each other…
But I know how
you hate to be told what to do!”
– Unknown

“Some women don’t need flowers,
candy, or candlelight dinners
on Valentine’s Day.
Please be advised that
I am not one of them.”
– Unknown

“Valentine Tip #437:
The way to a woman’s heart…
…is through her sweet tooth.”
– Unknown

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