Witty Quotes And Sayings

by allinspiration.com

“If at first you don’t succeed, order pizza.”
– Unknown

“It’s a catastrophic success.”
– Unknown

“Men are like parking spots, the good ones are taken and the free ones are handicapped.”
– Unknown

“There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.”
– Unknown

“He was happily married – but his wife wasn’t.”
– Unknown

“Love is only a dirty trick played on us to achieve continuation of the species.”
– Unknown

“I was nauseous and tingly all over… I was either in love or I had smallpox. ”
– Unknown

“I’m an excellent housekeeper. Every time I get a divorce, I keep the house”
– Unknown

“Never do anything that you wouldn’t want to explain to the paramedics. ”
– Unknown

“Love means nothing in tennis, but it’s everything in life. ”
– Unknown

“I want to die like my grandfather, peacefully, in his sleep. Not screaming, like the passengers in his car.”
– Unknown

“Live every day as if it were your last, because one of these days, you’ll be right”
– Unknown

Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
– Unknown

“Love is the thing that enables a woman to sing while she mops up the floor after her husband has walked across it in his barn boots. ”
– Unknown

“He was happily married – but his wife wasn’t.”
– Victor Borge

“Never let yesterday use up too much of today.”
– Will Rogers

“Setting a good example to children takes all the fun out of middle age.”
– William Feather

“Plurality is not to be posited without necessity.”
– William of Ockham

“A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.”
– Winston Churchill

“Science should be on tap, not on top.”
– Winston Churchill

“A man falls in love through his eyes, a woman through her ears. ”
– Woodrow Wyatt

“Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday.”
– Woody Allen

“You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred.”
– Woody Allen

“A nickel ain’t worth a dime anymore.”
– Yogi Berra

“Always go to other people’s funerals, otherwise they won’t come to yours.”
– Yogi Berra

“A man in love is not complete until he is married. Then he is finished.”
– Zsa Zsa Gabor

“Contradictions do not exist. Whenever you think that you are facing a contradiction, check your premises. You will find that one of them is wrong.”
– Ayn Rand

“If two things don’t fit, but you believe both of them, thinking that somewhere, hidden, there must be a third thing that connects them, that’s credulity.”
– Umberto Eco

“A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.”
– Hector Hugh Munro

“A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.”
– Frank Lloyd Wright (1868-1959)

“I have not failed, I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.”
– Thomas Edison

“All science is either physics or stamp collecting.”
– Ernest Rutherford

“The only possible conclusion the social sciences can draw is: some do, some don’t.”
– Ernest Rutherford

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