Yet More Cute And Funny Sayings To Tickle You

by allinspiration.com

“Of course I’m not perfect; there’s a crack in my ass!”
– Unknown

“I have enough money to live comfortably for the rest of my life; if I die next Tuesday.”
– Unknown

“Be the kind of woman that when your feet hit the floor each morning, the devil says, ‘Oh crap, she’s up.”
– Unknown

“Silence is golden; duct tape is silver.”
– Unknown

“I’m so broke, I can’t even pay attention.”
– Unknown

“Friendship is like peeing your pants. Everyone can see it, but only you can feel it.”
– Unknown

“A good friend will help you move, a best friend will help you move a dead body.”
– Unknown

“A politician is a fellow who will lay your life down for his country.”
– Unknown

“Tomorrow is often the busiest day of the week.”
– Unknown

“If you are one in a million, there are six thousand people just like you.”
– Unknown

“Alarm Clocks: because every morning should begin with a heart attack.”
– Unknown

“Trying to understand you is like trying to smell the color 9.”
– Unknown

“During a test, people look up for inspiration, down in desperation, and left and right for information.”
– Unknown

“Anything that is unrelated to elephants is irrelephant.”
– Unknown

“A baby-sitter is a teenager acting like an adult while the adults are out acting like teenagers.”
– Unknown

“You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said ‘Parking Fine.’”
– Tommy Cooper

“I now know I’m psychic, because every time I go see a fortune teller, I know everything she says will be absolute bullshit ahead of time.”
– Wade Stokan

“If you watch Home Alone backwards, it’s a story about two men who are helped out of traps by a young child, who then cleans them up. Then, the child’s family comes home and yells at him.”
– Unknown

“I did a few researchers to get that information.”
– Ellen Hasselbalch

“I am sorry for those that disagree with me because I know that they are wrong.”
– Woodrow Wilson

“Next time your girl wants you to take her somewhere expensive, take her to the gas station, almost 5.00/gallon.”
– Unknown

“I stay up late every night and realize it’s a bad idea every morning.”
– Unknown

“They keep saying the right person will come along. I think mine was hit by a truck…”
– Unknown

“I’ve realized you can use a fork as a spoon if you use it rapidly enough.”
– john mayer

“If I were a bird, I’d fly straight into a ceiling fan.”
– Red

“Most people are only alive because it’s illegal to shoot them.”
– Unknown

“Wouldn’t it be nice if the world was flat? That way we could just push off the people we don’t like.”
– Unknown

“The two best times to keep your mouth shut are when you’re swimming and when you’re angry.”
– Unknown

“I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.”
– Douglas Adams

“I hate when I go to bed and I forget to turn my swag off.”
– Unknown

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