Yet More Funny Sayings And Quotes For A Good Laugh

by allinspiration.com

“I love being married. It’s so great to find one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life. ”
– Rita Rudner

“The older theory was, marry an older man because they’re more mature. But the new theory is men don’t mature. Marry a younger one. ”
– Rita Rudner

“When I eventually met Mr Right I had no idea that his first name was Always. ”
– Rita Rudner

“Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.”
– Robert Benchley

“It’s a funny thing that when a man hasn’t anything on earth to worry about, he goes off and gets married.”
– Robert Frost

“A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that ‘individuality’ is the key to success.” 
– Robert Purvis

“See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.” 
– Robin Williams

“If women ran the world we wouldn’t have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.” 
– Robin Williams

“I’m at the age where I want two girls. In case I fall asleep they will have someone to talk to.” 
– Rodney Dangerfield

“Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.” 
– Rodney Dangerfield

“It’s true hard work never killed anybody, but I figure, why take the chance?” 
– Ronald Reagan

“I was always telling everybody that I could be funny.”
– Sally Kellerman

“Funny you mention my dinner parties when I have just suggested that inviting close friends over to share a meal with candlelight and wine at your table could be a form of religious experience for some people To me it’s a form of sacrament.”
– Sally Quinn

“I think it’s because it’s so different and it takes risks. Plus, it’s really smart humor. It gives the audience credit in terms of not needing to tell them when to laugh. I love that about the show. There’s no laugh track.”
– Sarah Chalke

“My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you’ll be happy; if not, you’ll become a philosopher. ”
– Socrates.

“First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me.” 
– Steve Martin

“In Italy, I had an Afro, and a lot of the kids came up and felt my hair. It really was funny. I wish I had understood Italian.”
– Sugar Ray Leonard

“Humor is also a way of saying something serious.”
– T. S. Eliot

“On the stage you’re there, it’s live. There’s a beginning, a middle, an end. When something is funny you hear it right away.”
– Theodore Bikel

“It’s strange, isn’t it. You stand in the middle of a library and go aaaaagghhhh’ and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.” 
– Tommy Cooper

“Billy Tauzin is one of the most interesting people in Washington. He is smart, funny, and interesting.”
– Tucker Carlson

“Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?” 
– Unknown

“Keep the dream alive: Hit the snooze button.” 
– Unknown

“I always take life with a grain of salt, …plus a slice of lemon, …and a shot of tequila.” 
– Unknown

“Why didn’t Noah swat those two mosquitoes?” 
– Unknown

“I have to exercise early in the morning before my brain figures out what I’m doing.” 
– Unknown

“America is a country where half the money is spent buying food, and the other half is spent trying to lose weight.” 
– Unknown

“Isn’t having a smoking section in a restaurant like having a peeing section in a swimming pool?” 
– Unknown

“Never go to bed angry, stay awake and plot your revenge.” 
– Unknown

“How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?” 
– Unknown

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